22
Aug
16

I was actually a FREE INDEPENDENT URBAN OIRAN not an urban geisha!!


For the years from the time that I started this blog, I branded myself for many years as the “Urban Geisha,” an “Educated Whore Revolutionary.”  I knew even then, that I was nothing near a “real geisha” but I was fascinated with the idea that part of the geishas art, aside from enticing men was to learn instruments, dances and traditional arts, including the art of conversation.  I prided myself at being the Urban artist of conversation because in honest reflection, I was never really that great at sexual acts during my escort years. Unless of course, I was attracted to the client or sometimes a client would surprise me with his abilities which didn’t match my usual “type.” This is what I liked about prostitution. It allowed me to experience people I wouldn’t usually allow in and, they had a 50/50 chance of doing me right despite the attraction factor.  The majority of time, I was really being the “2pac of prostitution (activist/musician)” character and many of my clients were urban homies, non violent criminals, drug users and other exiles of society, like I was. We would do a bunch of lines until the sunrise and I would entertain them with my art of conversation while making money. Sex was maybe 25% of the SEX work that I did.  Drug users were my favorites because of the fact that sex wasn’t so much a big part of it but keeping their lonely heart company while playing a facade was. And this was my definition of urban geisha. The other part that made me adopt the geisha moniker was because I was of Japanese heritage and I had the PASS TO CLAIM rights to my ancestry in America that the political activist community fights so hard to own and protect according to whichever heritage you can say you are part of. I HAD THIS PASS AND KIMONO CLAD KATIE PERRY DIDN’T as far as I was concerned.  But, I was no different than any other displaced descendant of a home country than the Black African American who tries to remember Africa by wearing an emblem around his neck and changing his name to something more African. The reasons we do this in racist America are evident but often our efforts fall short of accuracy.   I actually wasn’t any different than a disrespectfully appropriating Katy Perry who was just taking something she thought was exotic (and geisha are indeed RARE and Mysterious, even to Japanese today) and beautiful and creating a show around it for your pop culture entertainment and for you to be attracted to.  But when white American people do it on stage though…!!

An apprentice Maiko giving the EVIL SIDE EYE at a performance in a Kyoto tourist show copyright MPassion 2016

Now that I’ve spent some time in Japan, in actual observance and research of the true Japan and its culture I can see that many foreigners wear kimonos and the Japanese people are renting them to them for profit, but also to SHARE their culture correctly. Most Japanese would probabaly be happy and proud that Katy Perry  were wearing kimono on a big U.S award show, except maybe for the fact that she is mixing a Chinese brocade neckline and high cut waist of a cheongsam with a Japanese kimono in her outfit. Hey, shes mixing BOTH OF MY ETHNICITIES! I should steal that dress from her! Did Katy wear white face and try to imitate a geisha, or is that what the media called it (because all kimono clad women are geisha apparently)? She was actually just a white foreigner appropriating Asian fashions and aesthetic, something that can be super controversial and oversimplified on both sides of racist America.  Tourists rent kimono 100s if not 500 times on a good busy day throughout Japan as part of their sightseeing activities. Most of the kimono clad tourists in Japan these days are not even white folks, they are Chinese from China or Taiwan, but the point being that Japanese are happy to share and teach their kimono NOT their geisha customs.  There are dressers in tourist shops who help foreigners put kimono on and they style all the accessories so the foreigner doesn’t fuck it up. It’s not a cheap Halloween costume by any means, and its usually very authentic.  It is meant to be completely respectful sharing for tourists of Japan, as well as a profitable business to be in.

GEISHA ARE NOT PROSTITUTES and this was the biggest mistake I and other foreigners (mostly men who wish they were) make. They might get together with one wealthy client who becomes her sponsor/partner but mostly they are true entertainers, who are definitely erotic objects of desire but whose austerity around sexual partners makes her that much MORE attractive to seekers.  An Urban geisha might be similar to a true burlesque entertainer who could climb a 50 foot pole and do gymnastics tricks to entertain in a g string and feather costume but who also never really had sex with those they entertain. Certainly that was NOT what I was trying to do. i was turning TRICKS. Having quick and dirty sex for profit and I saw my HUSTLING (business street and survival savvy) also as part of MY ART.  The other part of my art came into play through writing my blog, speaking my activist truth, performing songs from the Whore Revolution.  THAT WAS ALL MY GEISHA-NESS, as I saw it then.  I only recently learned about the OIRAN, the kimono white faced entertainers that resembled the geisha in many ways except they were FLASHIER and THEY HAD SEX! Now THAT was more MARIKO PASSION for certainly. To my pleasant surprise, the Oiran traditional shoes were 8” platforms that required a male assistant to walk, which I would often recruit a random “escort” to help me not eat shit in heels on concrete. I regularly performed in 6” platforms in those days and I even had some “taka geta” (tall wooden slippers) of my own that I just threw away before I came to Japan but had owned since I was in my 20s before I even knew about Oiran (unconscious cultural memory!).  In Japan, there are regular parades celebrating the Oiran Dochu and Edo period costumes without shame around the association with prostitution because many of the Oiran and Geisha at the time were sold by poverty stricken parents who had no choice for survival. The sad truth behind these parades is that they do not reference the truth of the women who lived these lives of sexual slavery, yes I really called it that.

Real Oiran of Edo…not ideal working conditions

Movie set at Toei Kyoto studio park copyright Mpassion2016

Yoshiwara Dori Pleasure District

The Oiran lived in a gated area, and they were not allowed to leave except to view cherry blossoms once a year. The photos that I’ve seen show them behind wooden bars over the windows. Many of them died of venereal diseases and were wrapped in straw and dumped in unmarked graves at the Buddhist temple Jokan Ji. Jokanji temple has the spirits of 25,000 Edo era sex workers buried there. i have plans to visit and report on it in a future blog.  The Japanese government is known for the war crime of making Korean women into sex slaves for the Japanese soldiers, but what is also not said alongside the comfort women stories is that Karayuki San were the Japanese women who were indentured sex workers that were sent to other countries to service Japanese soldiers and other races of men overseas. I believe that karayuki san were also used for a short time to serve U.S military soldiers during their occupation in government sanctioned brothels as well. Many feminists in Korea and the U.S demanded the Japanese government apologize to the Korean comfort women, which occurred just in January of this year, 2016 but really, the Japanese should have to apologize and give reparations to the Karyukisans as well, but that would probably never happen as it was hard enough to get the apology and reparations to the Korean women. The government did actually put an end to the pleasure quarters of the Edo era, probably much in the same way that the sexual woodblock Ukiyoe prints became outlawed and banned so did the Oiran houses.  The mizu shobai, or sex industry of course never died in Japan, it just changed form.
But there is ALWAYS  MUCH BEAUTY in the darkness, darkness and light, yin and yang, just like in African slavery there were rich cultural traditions that survived and remained as a result of the struggle, oppression and captivity.  If you are not allowed to leave an area and can’t choose the amount or safety of your clients or you will be punished with death or a beat down, you are or were a sexual slave.

I owned shoes like these in my 20s!! Quickie Insta Oiran Portrait at Toiei Kyoto Park 2016

I did an Oiran portrait at a Kyoto amusement park and I was excited and am excited still about looking into getting involved in participating in the parades in April 2017 but in reading more about the truth of the lives of the women and girls I wanted to ALSO be sure not to gloss over the facts, the way the Japanese government and many people who are fans of Oiran Dochu do so often. Having lived the beautiful struggle of a FREE and INDEPENDENT URBAN OIRAN for years, you can see just by scrolling through my escort entries that my life was no parade, but it wasnt slavery, and I suffered and struggled through some of it but there was much JOY, TRIUMPHS, LESSONS AND PLEASURE TOO. Music, art, activism and community WERE the things that I loved in sex work, FUCK THE SEX.  Perhaps this was also the attitude of the Oiran and they poured their PASSION and life force into their arts in spite of it all.

What used to be the Yoshiwara Dori of the Edo Era is now Soaplands (kinda like massage parlors but soapier and mostly only for Japanese clients not foreigners). the women are free sex workers NOT and I say this too, NOT SEX SLAVES. They freely come and go to work, have families, test themselves and have safe sex so they don’t have the same UNHAPPY ENDING as the OIRAN of Edo did.

30
Jul
16

Sexism is Alive and Well here

In learning how to survive in Japan as a Japanese American woman from the U.S. Ive found it easier to ACCEPT sexism rather than be surprised by it. It seems to be a way for me to save energy. This is similar to acceptance of RACISM in America or the feeling of powerlessness in the U.S presidential elections. The ways in which this sexism manifests can sometimes be a little new to me but so far, I have been fortunate enough to not feel abused or victimized by any of it. It has been enough of an issue in multiple instances to deserve a blog post and I even tried to post on Quora for some answers from other Japanese women but didnt get a single response.  One of my Japanese friends said that older Japanese men sometimes think of sexual talk as a form of affection not harassment and will think they are being endearing or charming when they are really being inappropriate. Like the time an older man walked up to me while I was hanging out during the day in Kawasaki and told me about his erectile dysfunction within 15 min of meeting me in front of a convenience store. E.D is something that Tantra facilitators actually deal with on a regular basis but I doubt he knew I was a professional goddess. He was just trying to be charming.

A Japanese societal dilemma: 社会問題です。A Japanese male on couchsurfing.com hosted me for a few days when I first arrived in the country, but was under the illusion that sex would be part of my stay.  This CATERS TO WOMEN guesthouse is the 2nd time Ive had hospitality turn into sexuality in Japan but it seems to happen to me a lot, even in the U.S with roomates I rent my apartment to.  I dont fuck roomates or housemates, coworkers or hosts! I learned this was a terrible idea when I fucked a housemate in LA during college, caught feelings for the him the leaseholder/manager and then got kicked out. I had an opportunity to write a review on Hotels.com where i found the guest house but I dont think my review got posted to the site, this blog will have to serve as my only outlet of frustration..The guesthouse was advertised as a “CATERS TO WOMEN” hotel and lists that CLOTHING IS OPTIONAL.    The innkeeper is a retired 60yo single, divorced hetero man who barely speaks English. He wasnt queer and he was never naked in front of his guests while I stayed there.

The dilemma for me (similar to my couchsurfing host) was that he was an excellent host: gracious, hospitable, polite; a great and helpful, kind person. The problem was that he asked me lots of personal questions, tried to feed me fruit and asked me on what I assume was a date (he used the word date デート which was the red flag) before dropping me off at the train station (デートしましょうか?遊べに行く?). It was not scary or predatory, just inappropriate for Westernized innkeeper standards and definitely too forward for Japanese societal standards (questions like “Did i swim with a swimsuit? Am I okay with mixed bathing with men in spas?).  The same was true for the couchsurfing dude except that he was 10x more persistent which made it a different more overwhelming situation.

In Japan, Male/Female sexuality carries a lot of taboo and shame protocols. I sometimes find it impossible that this guy was just a nudist trying to see if i was of his kin. Over 2 days there were questions and comments about finding a Japanese boyfriend, Do i have a boyfriend etc which are also not appropriate unless the intention was to feel out a womans openness to hooking up with the inquirer. (本音はセクスはしたい). But Japanese culture is so subtle. What is presented on the surface is often not the true feelings of a person.

In the U.S, for example nudist resorts are careful to word their websites and also ask questions before they strip naked on the property assuring their guests feel safe to them and vice versa. I have been to clothing optional resorts before.  Im a world traveller who travels alone not looking for sex with innkeepers or hosts and feels that this would be inappropriate, EVEN in a nudist resort not geared for swinging. Most nudist innkeepers Ive talked to during my stay would also agree.  In Japan, SEXISM is alive and well ESPECIALLY IN LODGING often geared for MEN ONLY in big cities. In those hotels, i would be and have been turned away regardless of having enough money by the men who ran the establishment. There were no women owners in these all male hotels that I inquired at.  I believe a straight man having a CATERS TO WOMEN HOTEL is misleading and wrong. Not all females are strong, outspoken and aware of themselves as I am. While i stayed there, there was a 19 year old traveling alone from Korea staying in the bunk above me. She spoke English and Japanese well. I asked her if she felt any pressure from him and she said no, he did NOT try anything with her. I was glad.  The other guests were an American grandmother and her 20yo granddaughter on a trip from Washington DC. Im sure they felt nothing but great hospitality from him and were never alone with him so never experienced the same dialogue as I did. 

I have learned from being in Japan for these 2 mos so far is that often the FACE and VERBALIZED EXPRESSIONS are OPPOSITE from the true intentions (本音と建前) . Many Japanese are polite and shy but inside they have the darkest sexual desires that go unexpressed so they end up being released in inappropriate ways. This seems to be an unfortunate byproduct of Japanese sex culture. Repression and shame can lead to harassment, assault or inappropriate intentions.  They dont seem to think non physical harassment (i.e being raped by an octopus tentacle level only) matters much and it often gets laughed off or dismissed. Ive experienced the relentless asking for sex or dates even after I clearly said I wasnt interested. But after watching a few Japanese porn, i kind of understood where the relentless behavior might come from. One nite, I watched a Japanese pixelated porn movie in the LOVE HOTEL i had to rent for $65 (expensive for my solo travels). The entire 2 scenes were all “No really means Yes” sex scenes with the woman grimacing during sex but still squirting and cumming.  I was not at all titilated by it because I just thought about how many times I had a similar look of disguist or agony on my face and the dude penetrating me thought I was enjoying myself. I asked my J friend if she had EVER seen a yes means yes! yes 

! yes! style of porn movie in Japan and she, a journalist who specialized in this area said No. 

The reason I was in that hotel was because Id been turned down by 3 hotels for a cheaper $27 capsule room around town either because I was a woman or because it was 1am.  I have experienced first hand the fear of being without lodging for a night in a culture that seems to prioritize housing men cheaply, i feel it is problematic to create a pseudo SAFE SPACE via a CATERS TO WOMEN hotel and be the only man on the property. The reasoning Ive gotten as an explaination for the existence of male only economic capsule hotels is because most “salary(business)men” are perceived to be male only. Women are still perceived to be at home with the children which is so far from the truth of present day Japan.

Hotel discrimination is a form of sexism in Japan which creates a power advantage to the male owner. I was NOT traumatized by his asking me questions or inviting me on a date or overstepping personal space boundaries for Japanese culture. I even felt bad about writing a bad review, which I did a lukewarm one for the couchsurfing host because i did feel indebted to his hospitality and I wanted to believe he could correct his behavior. But because of the fact that i feel conflicted by the guesthouse owner and that I feel he is attracted to me I wont be returning as a guest.  Many strict rules that dont line up to present day logic exist like this in Japan (like the societal taboos of tattoos). Hotel discrimination’s particular logic has its roots in sexism on an institutionalized level and most Japanese either dont care or dont try to fight it and so neither do I until it manifests itself in a self defense scenario where I have to castrate an octopus tenticle, and I sure hope THAT will never come to fruition.

08
Jul
16

EVAPORATE like clouds over Mt.Fuji

wp-image-2119771984jpg.jpg
Rising up from za water eburi 15 minetsu!

 My family reunion has completed to my relief and I am now able to eat healthy vegetarian foods and travel Japan on my own agenda once again. My mom who seems to live to antagonize me is off on her own to visit her hometown where she has promised to get her family record showing my Japanese lineage which is required to apply for a Nikkei Heritage visa.  This is an amazing program that allows people of up to 3rd generation Japanese ancestry to stay and work in Japan with the same rights as any other Japanese citizen. An employment sponsor is not even needed to apply for this visa in contrast to other Japanese visas and if I had my own family they also would be able to move here for up to 3 years!  While the Nikkei Heritage Visa program is packaged to look like a way for people to regain knowledge of their culture and language, the true intention of the Japanese government in creating the program was to get cheaper labor from Peru and Brazil where there are many 2nd and 3rd generation Japanese children of immigrants.

The existence of this is yet another miracle that has landed in my path for me after arriving in Japan (this info discovered via meeting the right local people who have been super helpful and encouraging).  

20160707_162954.jpg
one of these girls is not a legal Japanese citizen….YET

I had planned to try to work illegally as a tourist as people often have to do to stay in the U.S. and other countries but it didn’t take much applying to some jobs and reading some wanted ads that i saw that I was up against a big obstacle not having the correct visa to work in Japan.  I had somewhat of a lead to work as a hostess in an empty and tiny karaoke bar in Roppongi Tokyo but I knew that that was never going to support my survival as every time the owner called me in to meet or work it would have no customers and 3 bored ladies sitting at the bar. A familiar scene from my stripclub working days.  I have evolved past having to do jobs that disintegrate my brain cells staring at a wall for an employer’s sake but I knew I was an undocumented worker and wasn’t in a position to be too picky.  Reverting back to a mind numbing sex work job was not something I wanted to do ever again, illegal citizen or not.  I had successfully done two Tantra sessions with two different clients in Tokyo already so I knew that there were other better options for me.The U.S greatly prospers off of the backs of the labor of undocumented citizens so it seems to be somewhat easier to jump through loopholes and get paid in cash to make your income in the states.  Even surviving off of an illegal sole proprietorship like selling CDs or food out of a shopping cart is an option that many undocumented folks have used to not only survive but prosper in the U.S. Illegal food vending is never done in Japan. Even buskers don’t get tipped in hats but can only sell CDs instead because no one gets tipped in Japan!  In my worst fears of moving to Japan, I imagined having to beg for change using my singing bowl like a monk.  Luckily, it’s not going to come to that for me but I really had no idea how I would survive here just that I had many skills, a couple college degrees, strong will and great hope for the best. Things have indeed manifested miraculously for me since I got here so naturally I am not worried at all about whether I will successfully attain my heritage visa.  It shall be done!

IMG_20160708_151012.jpg

smelled like sweat and funk in the visitation room so by day2 i came prepared

NO WEED IN JAPAN

Before leaving for Japan, friends had told me that getting weed was near impossible and that if I did eventually find it, it would be $70 per gram, over 4 times the price I pay in the U.S.  This was the source of much anxiety as I was smoking more than ever in the stressful months leading to my move to Japan. I had been a daily user of cannabis for about 20 years prior to now. I left LA and flew to Seattle where it had been recreationally legal since about 2014. I continued my habit but knew that my days of access were numbered. I had a bit of a mental breakdown and walked into a dispensary in tears and incorrigible fear of my future move only to be relieved by Mary Jane as my usual medicine when I felt this way.  I had tried to cut back to prepare my mind at this time but there was so much anxiety in coming to Japan for me that i found it so hard to be stronger than my then current dependence.  If you look back in this blog, you can see that Mary Jane has been a way for me to sooth my PTSD, depression and anxiety for years but most times admittedly its been a recreational drug not really a medicine which is often debated by pro mj advocates.  I flew to Alaska and Vancouver Canada where it was also legal. It was in Vancouver that I was held for an hour in this passage thru to Tokyo because 3 years ago in 2013, I had been caught with a small pipe driving thru the border in which the Canadian government detained me for 4 hrs, read my journal out loud to me, examined parts of my FB and this blog and searched my car and person. I was searched and held for about 3 more hours on the U.S side, my little pipe confiscated and I was again traumatized by the treatment of state authorities for doing something minor and clearly harmless to others. So I know all about the detriments of marijuana dependence and it has indeed affected my life in punitive ways. I did make it to Tokyo this time on a rescheduled flight with no charge due to their reexamination of my 2013 case in 2016 which caused me to miss my flight to Tokyo. I wasnt even planning to visit Vancouver but ironically because there were no more flights to Japan I was able to see Vancouver for the first time since I was not admitted trying to visit before. I made sure to visit a legal dispensary there and get enough edibles to knock me out on my upcoming flight.  I also snuck in a few (10?) odorless candies hidden in some real sweet smelling candies because my dependence told me despite all that I had been thru with Canadian immigration I probably wasn’t strong enough to be sober in Japan yet.  I was willing to risk it because it was such a personal amount.  Therefore, I have even identified as an addict because I have never been able to not use for longer than 2 months in 20 years and my repeated risk taking for the substance is a classic definition of an addict straight from any drug addiction pamphlet you can find.

IMG_20160708_150932

The US bombed the original castles and destroyed the Japanese economy by making the hemp crop used to make rope and parachute cords illegal and couching it into an anti drug campaign that Japanese believe is justified to this day

Today Japan has some of the strictest anti-cannabis laws in the world.  Punishment for possession is a maximum 5 years behind bars and illicit growers face 7-year sentences. Annually around 2000 people fall foul of these laws – their names splashed on the nightly news and their careers ruined forever. The same prohibition that dishes out these punishments also bans research into medical marijuana, forcing Japanese scientists overseas to conduct their studies.” 

It was actually the US that made cannabis illegal in Japan creating the Cannabis Control Act in 1948 in an attempt to further handicap the Japanese economy and military because it was in abundant use, widely grown to make sturdy rope and parchute cords for the military. I saw full of the workers who built the samurai castles in Japan and they were wearing probably hemp rope sandals and possibly using hemp rope to build the amazing castles in Japan destroyed by bombs of the US during WWII.

Our initial 20 minute visit was pretty bleak. V had been scared to think by the prosecutor that she was going to go to Japanese prison for a long long time.  It was an emotional visit so I felt an urgent need to put out a youtube video to try fo get some US politicians who would advocate for V, a CA medical marijuana patient and US citizen so she wouldn’t have to go to Japanese prison! There had to be something we could do to help, wasn’t serving 2 months punishment enough for the Japanese government, not to mention holding detainees is an expense to any government! Her friend Lady Y and I didn’t think the Japanese government would waste their money on someone who had personal cannabis not intent to sell but then I thought of Guantamo Bay and how our government has held prisoners there for almost a decade without a trial. So the worst is always possible as well as the best.

The next day she had spoken to a more upbeat prosecutor who talked about deporting her, letting her make phone calls, use her laptop and even smoke a cigarette in his car! This was a 360 change from the day before. We also drove to speak to her lawyer and he had said he thinks she will 99% be deported.

Since arriving in Japan, things have been anundant for me friendship and career wise. Ive landed some Tantra clients, made lots of friends, realized my dream of living and working in Japan, am doing better financially than I ever have in my life before because I got an overseas freelance writing gig, so somehow the need to medicate disappeared. Fears and anxiety evaporated like clouds over Mt. Fuji. I was even able to endure a family reunion without numbing myself because any of their opinions would also evaporate like clouds over Mt.Fuji and seem so minor to all the miracles Id already manifested here. I was no longer addicted and I had broken thru the fear and economic glass ceiling and opinions and judgments of my bio family that had held me down for so long in the U.S. Helping advocate for Victoria whom Id never met off of Facebook seemed like my karmic duty as a fellow sex worker and stoner. I knew that it could have easily been me in Japanese jail for something like that so any time and expense required to work on this was given easily for a fellow comrade.。。。Rising up from za water eburi 15 minetsu!

23
Jun
16

From Whore Revolutionary to Tantra goddess: Sacred Whore Evolution

4 years is a long time. I hope you have changed and evolved in 4 years too. Looking back on this blog I clearly can define chapters of my life. As i blog from Osaka, Japan tonight overlooking the Dottonburi River reflecting the bright lights of the touristy strip from the water, I have now finally realized a life long dream to live and work in Japan. Its been a month since I left LA and the U.S. It was a whirlwind of a birthday for me. Turning 40 was something I wanted to remember as the biggest “round number” ritual to date. I flew from LA to work in Seattle to visit the glacier in Juneau, Alaska to stopover in downtown Vancouver to finally Tokyo, a part of Japan I’d never been. I picked Seattle as a good place to make money for my trip and my intuition served me well. I was able to get solid clients who helped me bring in enough money to get through the next leg of my journey before Id be able to settle into Tokyo and begin my adventure in Japan: a country Id always wanted to return to since I last lived there for a summer with a beloved Aunt when I was 12. My faithful sex work funded vehicle named Sasha Gray (a Gray Scion named after Sasha Gray who played a GFE escort in the film Girlfriend Experience) had racked up 205k miles and had a dead transmission, some engine damage and a bunch of body repairs that I wasnt going to invest in over the vital mechanics needed. I sold her for a mere $1000 and aptly used that money to commit myself to my big move to Japan. I didnt know how I was going to get the rest of the money for my trip or how I was going to pay for the other expenses of living in this new country but buying a ONE WAY TICKET to Alaska and Japan for my birthday was a way to make sure that I would NOT turn back to the safe routine life Id grown accustomed to and not give up on my dream this time around. My biological family were meeting my extended Japanese relatives in Osaka with my 5 nieces and nephews and mom and I was not going to miss that trip because of lack of money. No way. I was simply NOT going to allow myself to fail going to Japan by the age of 40. And that was how I made it here.

The plane ticket was the initial investment that would use the profit from the sale of my car SG as seed money for the next part of my life in Japan. I had tried to manifest this journey in 2013 but I didnt make such a huge commitment like buying a one way ticket with no refunds.

FULL CIRCLE CONNECTION TO THE WHORE REVOLUTIONARY

I met my current Osaka host Yukiko briefly in Washington DC 2012 AND Desiree Alliance 2010 but didnt remember! FB_IMG_1466423299393
Yukiko from SWASH (Sex workers and Sexual Health) Japan and I after my performance at 2012 AIDS conference in Washington DC

Here is us after I did a performance inspired by the Korean sex workers who protested the closure of their brothels by pouring gasoline on their naked bodies. In my whore revolutionary days i could relate to the urgency of decriminalization and often felt that i would RIDE OR DIE or self emolate? for the cause of sex worker liberation. Although the goddess I am now doesnt carry that fury so intensely any longer (its now transmuted in many other creative ways).

EVERYTHING I did in the 16 yrs in this work and movement (im still criminalized and 2 of my sex worker/priestess friends are currently in jail/prison) was paid forward to this moment with yukikos hospitality to the clients and friends I am able to attract in Japan today. And none of it made sense until I got here. Funny how life works isnt it?

 

2016 Yukiko buying me Hello Kitty things in Osaka, staying in her home and being hosted by other SWASH members in Osaka.

TIMELINE OF EVOLUTION

2012 International AIDS conference performance with Scarlot Harlot im Washington DC
MARCH 2013 begin training in hands on Sacred Sexuality/Tantra at Ecstatic Awareness Institute in Oceanside, CA
Begin transition into “the goddess” a moniker for a Tantra pracitioner, a vessel of LOVE and Light, a LOVE worker, a spiritually awakened facilitator of healing and consciousness
OCTOBER 2013 60 hr Tantraquest training as a Tantric Life Coach with Shawn Roop in San Diego, CA

There are a lot of Tantra trainings and mentors that guided me on my goddess path. Im not going to list them all…

The initial inspiration will always be credited to the coaching genius of Destin Gerek who suggested that I try this route of working and being when he acquainted me at a magazine party in LA, hearing that I was at the end of my rope as an escort and sex worker and running out of ways to keep denying that i needed to find a way out of the too often traumatic and ugly  parts of my work life.  He gifted me with life changing coaching and took me as serious as any high paid client of which he has had many. This pro bono coaching gift was instrumental in creating a new path that leads 4 years later to where I stand today. alive, well and doing better than I ever have in my life. Totally fulfilled beyond my wildest imagined dreams.  Some people have “come to Jesus moments” but I had renounced organized religion long ago and was having a “come to goddess” moment which wasnt about simply feminizing a previously masculine God head but it was a spiritual awakening to a whole new consciousness and free form collection of theories, beliefs and practices which I would apply to my client practices and own life. It was truly about coming home to SELF. God/GODDESS was about finding the faith and divine power and truth within and now. Not in any afterlife or big book or church. 3 years of practicing as a professional goddess I no longer identify as an escort or whore revolutonary and my Tantra practice has clients locally in Japan and back in the USA coaching by webcam. My lifestyle, clients, and practice are seemingly opposite of everything you read about on this blog before this post. But I do not renounce my past for the past brings us to our present and makes me have that much more gratitude and reflection.  I could not be HERE if i had not first been there.
image

 

 

 

 

 

 

09
Jul
12

12 days to get to DC! PLEASE HELP TODAY!!

This is the final push to get some funding get me to DC and help to fund my trip and creative ideas for my upcoming shows! I’ve added some sex toy and lube cream for you to get moitivated to get your credit card out!  http://bit.ly/NncBFu  is the link to the Indie Gogo Campaign..  http://on.fb.me/LwYWt4 is the link to the July 20th Facebook Event in LA.  PLEASE PLEASE DONATE!  I already bought my plane ticket to DC and I am heavy in production and practice for these shows so doing sex work is also really difficult to do while promoting these shows.  Every contribution helps!  

27
Jun
12

HELP ME GET SEX WORKER MUSIC In LA, DC and BRC this summer!

I know I haven’t blogged on here at all this year.  I am working on writing a BOOK actually.  Well, not right now, but eventually!  First off is focusing on my music and performance career which kicks off with a show at Highways in Santa Monica called “Whorrific Cabaret.”  I have been working on my body and mind for the last 6 months and I am in a position to WIN.  I meditate on success everyday.  I’ve lost 12 lbs.  I can do anything that I set my mind to.  GO FIGHT WIN.  $2500.  That’s what I say while I am punching my partners hands doing sit ups in class.  My singer/artist apex dreams will become a reality…please help support!

Check out this video and help me make my big thinking no limit WHORE REVOLUTIONARY dreams this summer.  I have 24 days to raise money for my goal.  Every element is about spreading sex worker activism through MUSIC.  I am getting ready for a big show in Santa Monica with Madison Young and Nina Hartley on July 20th.  Even after I have done activism in LA for the last 6 years, I still feel like the city barely knows what sex worker rights culture (and it is a culture everywhere else but here) IS.  Help me change that!  If you believe that that is worth $7 PLEASE DONATE!  Click on the link below to get to the campaign page. Every donation HELPS!  Thank you so much!

08
Jan
12

2012 YEAR OF THE DRAGON: time to breath some FIRE

Today marks the 3rd month that I have stopped inhaling marijuana

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  I am starting off the year in Los Angeles reflecting on the differences between this year and last year.  Last year I started out with a big wad of sugar daddy cash on my person because Christmas in the Bay Area had blessed me with an amazingingly generous client that allowed me to get my solo theatre show “Modern Day Asian Sex Slavery” off the ground and have a cabaret with a full jazz band and sexy sex worker burlesque performers…Those are the two big accomplishments of 2011 that I wrote in my list of things that I was proud of having accomplished that year.

The OTHER big one is more recent and carries a different weight for me.  3 months ago I attempted to go on a weed cleanse because I was sick with a cold and had stopped vaporizing for a few days because when I am sick, I don’t really feel like being high because my head is already light, so I took advantage of the 3 day streak I had already started and tried to push myself to continue it for as long as I could.  I vowed that I would go easy on myself if it was a decision to medicate or have a major mental breakdown, I would medicate.  I believe in 3 months I may have vaporized about 3 times only.  but I EAT edibles on the weekends to get high and have fun dancing and enjoying my life as opposed to using weed to just get through each day.

Previously for me, marijuana was the anti-depressant that I felt was the very thread of my survival.  It was painful for me to think of not having it in my system and there were many many times when I would be driving to the dispensaries in LA with tears in my eyes.  I’d sit down with my grinder and vaporizer tube and count backwards 5-4-3-2-1 and then after 2 inhales I would be relieved of my pain, my tears would dry and I would feel better.  Medicated.  Positive thoughts again.  In July of 2011 it was getting really bad for me, the weed was not really working that well.  I was ready to get on psych meds, the intake staff person told me he had an art gallery so I sent him some of my artwork (which is sexually charged) from my phone giving him my number as well and he started pursuing me in hopes of trying to PIMP me.  (he told me he had experience in that game and then ended with a “I’m kidding” when he noticed I reacted negatively). No lie.  My path is full of vultures, I constantly have to breath fire in their face and make them back down.  Thank God for the ability Sprint has to block numbers from calling and texting you.  During the time he was trying to contact me a lot, he had just gotten fired from that place and just got out of  jail for a getting in a fight he casually told me in our 1-2 ever conversations which always ended with a “sweetie” at the end of them.  Remember, pimps can live anywhere, be of any race, age or gender but most noticeably seek you out when you are at your most vulnerable with offers of help and resources.

That center did a half assed intake and never called me again even though they charged me $20.  I wanted my money back!  Apparently, although they didn’t inform me in any way, I guess I wasn’t insane enough to need their help.  I was disenchanted to say the least.  I decided I would try St.Johns Wort and it worked a miracle on me.  A true saint indeed.  As an uninsured American, herbal remedies are the KEY to my survival.  I use St.Johns Wort (SJW) in combination with Passionflower (for anxiety) to ease my pains and it helps me get through each day without marijuana.  I wanted to prepare my body for the baby that I wanted to have in the next 5 years and although I do know mothers who have used weed to term and bore healthy babies I thought it would be better if I cut down.  I NEVER thought I was going to be able to.  My weed use as decreased by 75% with the help of my other herbs and I haven’t had a medical card since August which means I haven’t been able to enter any medical marijuana clubs since then either.  My vaporizer is shelved, my bongs are dusty, my grinders are put away.  I am a marijuana supporter and sympathizer forever but I’m no longer a stoner.  There are no actual weed flowers in the house!  That, to me is amazing.  For me to go 5 straight days without medicating with weed is no less than a miracle.  Its been 3 months and I am still amazed every day.  In previous years when I’d done cleansing experiments, I’d used passionflower to be clean during the day, but then I’d eat an edible every night.  I’d try to make rules saying I would only smoke when the sun was down, but I’d be anxiously awaiting the sunset.  But I wasn’t using SJW yet.   St.Johns Wort helps with mood elevation and depression.  It helps me balance my brain chemistry.  I have been resistant to daily anything in my past.  You couldn’t get me to take vitamins, supplements, birth control pills daily nothing.  I’d forget, I’d skip, I’d stop.  But I take my herbs with my coffee every single day now just like I used to sit there all day in front of my home office computer with my vape tube in my mouth every hour because IT WORKS. and it works well. Some herbal remedies don’t always work on me.  People swear by 5HTP but I tried that and it didn’t do the trick like what I have now.   For me personally, I wanted to go back to a time when marijuana was recreational over the time when weed was something i would fear being without for too long.

Sometimes I still have anxiety and hard times but I’m able to push through them without weed now.  I am stronger.  I made myself stronger and I am proud of myself.  I’m not sober, I’m not clean, I’m just a new version of the same old me.  To not have the kind of depression problems that I have been plagued with for years is such a relief.  If you have never been there, you probably don’t know how dark the darkness feels even in the light.  I would be at the beach trying to lift my mood but I’d still feel hopeless, negative, worried about the future, hearing voices of defeat and the worst lonliness, even when I was trying to fix my situation by try to go out and dance (alone and go home alone w/o conversing with another person), watch a movie (alone) or go eat (alone) or to martial arts or yoga classes.  I would make a log of the time when I’d just sit in the car in the parking lot and feel that there wasn’t anyone in LA who was lonlier than me at that moment.  It is still an ongoing battle for me.   but I am happy to have this under more control.  I just got high yesterday, because, hey it was FRIDAY!!  i started to have inspirations about ideas for new paintings and decided to start painting again.  I was going off on idea after ideas and facebooking manically with joy.  That’s what weed does to me.  The ideas are real.  The ideas are still good.  Its just that now that is not me everyday, the amount of ideas that I spew out are more manageable and realizable.  If I was feeling like that on a daily basis, I noticed I would get frustrated at how I knew I was never going to follow through on these ideas because it would be impossible to manage them all well.  Idea diarrhea got annoying at meetings as well.  I’d be like hating my own interruptions and blurting outs. Fuck I shouldn’t have said that.  o well i just said it.  i wanted to be in total control of my thoughts and actions again.  Before I met my first majorly unhealthy partner at 22 I smoked occasionally and didn’t even own a bong of my own!  But after we broke up was the beginning of my new found lifestyle which I was totally content with and loved.  I will never renounce it.  I’m just happy that I am able to overcome certain difficulties in different ways and the major suffering has eased.  And I don’t rule out that I may go back to those ways, but probably not.  I went from bong to vaporizer for almost 2 years, then SJI/Passionflower and edibles on the weekends.  Weed/drug use is kind of like sex work for me.  I’m not concerned about knowing when it will end, I can’t know that.  I will stop doing what I am doing now when I am no longer doing it.  Period.  I STILL have no regrets about ending friendships to people like Kristina Wong (who tried to shame me into quitting) or my ex roommates at the Basswerks (who ran an intervention on me as a condition to staying in the) house I lived at in LA who made me feel like shit for needing to medicate with marijuana.

I’ve been trying to cut down for years but I couldn’t.  I would not compromise my survival because I knew what I needed to be well.  If I don’t have my herbs I will also start freaking out in the same way I did when I was out of weed because I can feel when I am not medicated.  I am now just medicating with something else.  I am also super relieved that I did not have to get on any expensive and long term destructive pharmaceutical anti-depressants.  I love herbal remedies as well because it fits my budget.  If you are trying to ween yourself off of any substance: TRY PASSIONFLOWER.  It takes the edge and craving off of life and it works.  I swear by it.  I swear by both these herbs just like I used to swear my life on my indica weed.  I was in San Francisco for December 17th “International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers” and Robyn Few, the founder of SWOP was there.  She gathered a circle of known potheads to share in her homegrown joints as usual and I did not partake!  It was the first time in the history of my sex worker activism that I didn’t smoke weed with Robyn Few when she offered.  Robyn’s love and her shameless weed smoking was the reasons that I joined the sex worker rights movement in the first place.  I had finally found my family I thought.  A bunch of loving prostitute stoner women hanging out in a room?  Wut? I’m IN!!!  It was a beautiful thing.  Robyn is still battling cancer with 2 joints in her hand, and I am still battling my demons too but we are both STILL ALIVE and kicking and smiling and looking hot.  SURVIVORS.  I asked her if she would ever stop smoking weed and she replied defiantly,”NEVER.”

This year music and art are my big goals.  I am going to Japan finally for an extended stay THIS YEAR for sure.  6 months to a year.  I’ve decided to leave South Central LA.  Sell my stuff.  go to Japan and make my own cultural journey without my mom’s help.  It is my lunar year.  The year of the dragon. This has got to be big. I will accept nothing less. I stopped going to weekly therapy at the start of 2012 and decided to direct that $25 into paying my pianist and start rehearsing with him on the regular again. time to get this music train BACK on the track with NO excuses.  Music is therapy anyway.  Singing sets me free and gives me immeasurable joy.  I need to do it like my other art forms.  Including my martial arts.  I had done my cabaret in January and then totally abandoned working on live music.  It got reprioritized, like my painting did. I come back to things.  but I don’t always know when.  I just had no desire to paint after I sold the last painting for $1600 and after David Perry died.  he was my painting partner.  my inspiration actually.  he was an awesome painter and the best friend I ever had.  I still miss him.  I make a mantel for his stuff in every house I live in and I told him I was going to paint again.  I said it to the mantel.  I told it to his face which was painted in his paintings.  Wendy Babcock is with him now.  I put her photo on his mantle.  I’m sure he’ll enjoy the company.

I’m already doing an exciting group show at the Aljira Gallery in Newark, NJ near Manhattan NYC and it feels like I’m going to start going somewhere again higher than where I am at now.  The curator is trying to get the show to travel to Boston as well.   There is another show at The Museum of Sex in the nearby NYC area at the the SAME TIME as the one that I am already in that is asking for a call for submissions.   I would simply have an art orgasm if I could actually have two major NYC shows at the same time!  Even just having the one show is amazing.  I am thinking that I am glad that I quit teaching and started focusing on my art and music again.  It is what I was meant to be.  not a teacher.  not a non profity worker.  Mariko Passion.  exactly who I am now.  I want to be singing in a club or restaurant with my pianist this year too.  But this always seems to be a goal.  It’s really nice ot have the visual art thing come back though.  trying to sell my shit in the back of bars and clubs in LA wasn’t going well.

I have decided to start painting again because I have been hit with inspiration for WHAT I would paint.  I haven’t painted for almost 10 years, I gave all my brushes and paints to my sister and quit until…perhaps now.  I’ve done  a  few small projects here and there but nothing has inspired me to start seriously painting the way I used to until yesterday when I get high I had these great ideas that I knew that I would actually follow through on.  These are NOT hallucinations.  It is just easier to produce my great creative ideas when I am not hearing voices from my family’s rejection telling me that I am a fat, can’t sing, too sensitive, wasting my life, not interesting, always broke.  When I am high I am nothing but positive almost always.  and more than that I am a creative genuis!!! At times like last night I wonder why I need to cut down in the first place.  It started with wanting to stop smoking because asthma but I still have asthma even though I don’t smoke or vaporize but its way more in control than last year.  I am always thankful and grateful when the pain is relieved.  I learned how to manage my asthma with plant medicines too.  Lobelia tinctures with water taste like shit but stop the wheezing.  Much better than paying big pharma $200 for an inhaler that lasts a month.  I learned how to use an alternative because I HAD to.  I like it that way actually and am really proud of the many many natural remedies that I have to cure asthma, yeast infections, bladder infections, depression and anxiety!  fuck yea!  I’m an amazing broke girl!  Really.  FUCK BIG PHARMA.

It’s the weekend, I’m high and practicing new songs to sing.  I’m bursting with creative flow and ideas and working on a proposal for the Museum of Sex due in 5 days.  Getting the New Jersey show was the first step.  The Museum of Sex is the 2nd.  The snow storm will follow.  I feel good.  I feel great.  Gonna have the whole world on a plate.




Blog Stats

  • 102,297 hits
August 2016
M T W T F S S
« Jul    
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  

follow M.Passion’s twitters

INTERESTED IN A SIDE JOB? TRY SEX WORK!

[ Hot and Nasty Phone Sex at TalkSugar.com! ]

WHORE REVOLUTIONARY READING LIST


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,633 other followers