Dreaming of Making It in Music

I’ve now caught a wave of upswing in my income with my newest agency that I’m staying up all night driving around LA from 8-6am, three nights a week. They are the biggest, turn and burn agency in LA. I started with them and for some reason shopped around and never went back to them after I originally quit just to go to Burningman or something..? I don’t remember. It was two years ago, and they are still going strong, unlike all the others I’ve worked for who have since folded. They didn’t give me as much freedom then as they do now. They told me I had to work with their drivers and their drivers were driving me fucking crazy. The hours with a stranger in a car talking bullshit at an intelligence level of 3 made good video documentary footage for a few weeks but not something that I could make a habit.

Now they let me roll solo. They are the most pimpish of the agencies in this land. Taking 66% of ALL shows, advocating that your driver ask you how much you got tipped and demanding a percentage off of your tips. Even if you go to a no show and the guy gives you $20 for a cancellation, they take 66% of THAT!!

I pay my security and drivers on a per job basis. They get no percentage of what I make in the room because they are not connected to the merit of its amount, I am. They are connected to the merit of doing the job of driving or watching my back, not the merit of what it takes to get tips directly from a client-which are usually sex acts that they take no part in. This agency teaches its drivers that this is an acceptable way to get paid, but really, it is pimping in its most basic form. A possible scenario is that the driver feels that he gets a percentage of what the escort makes because she is just a wantstitute perpetrator of a sex worker, who never has sex or does any work for the money that she makes. It is all a hustle and a heist, and the male presence of a stealth hand off of cash to the driver is the only thing that makes her hustle work, on top of her good lying ability and ability to run down hotel room hallways unnoticed. (Girl collects money from customer, hands money out the door before he can blink and then breaks the mandatory tip scale to the guy, he tips her, she hands out the tip and THEN she giggles and says, I don’t have sex. I’m a legal escort!” and usually she leaves..Sometimes, she doesn’t even explain. She says she’s going to her car and she never comes back. Cruel but true. It happens ALL the time to guys. Especially in LA. In fact, I come in right after it has happened to guys and they are usually relieved and cordial. I’m like the agency angel to most but some guys, like the 2, I had last night were assholes. They were determined to not like me or our sex, they didn’t want to know my name or tell me theirs, they didn’t like my jokes and I couldn’t upsell them because I reacted to the fact that their were 2 of them when I was just expecting one for the price quoted. Agencies always leave you left to your improv skills, sometimes it’s even a safety factor that they failed to care about, like telling me that there were 2 guys in the room instead of 1 so at least I could prepare my hustle and my comfort level. I asked him his name, and he said, “why? does it matter?” I said, yeah, so we can call each other something, you know, respect each other..” The guys were jerks so I was determined to get them both of as quick as possible and make them feel like the jerks that they were. I left the lube bottle that I JUST bought at the last client’s house, so I was supposed to fuck both these frat boys without LUBE! Ack! The challenges of this job! “I don’t have any lube. Do you?” I asked…”Ha.” guy #1 scoffed,”Why would I?” “Is it completely unheard of for you to carry your OWN sex supplies?” I asked sharply. I was out of there in 20 minutes and basking in the adrenalyn which made up for the 2 for 1 I just did. Guy #1 was like,”I’m gonna cum all over your face.” and I was like “No, You’re NOT.” and he was surprised that I didn’t just let him do whatever he wanted with me…Boo Hoo. He would have to settle for spraying my chest. The NERVE of the porn believing IDIOTS. They came in less than 5 minutes each. I think when I finished my shower, I threw up a peace sign in guy #1’s face as I walked out, dressed and ready to jet out. They WERE assholes, so I was a BITCH. But somehow, part of it was kind of hot. It could have been more hot, but Guy #1 wouldn’t let me enjoy myself, he was trying to order me around so I couldn’t really get into the feeling although, I do remember the cock of Guy#2 feeling pretty good for a few seconds. But, it was too quick to enjoy, as it always is in work sex. They think that they used me, but I used them and made sure to leave them used just as well. “C’mon, we have an hour right?” Guy #1 said. “Nope. If you don’t tip, you have way less than that, so just make your shit cum..”I said not caring in the slightest whether or not they would be able to perform under such pressure. If I had a driver, which sometimes I do, I wouldn’t have minded burning these guys and leaving them with their sorry ass erections. If you don’t just rob guys blind, a driver can be a good “tool” to ensure that you never have to do anything with anyone that you don’t like or feel safe with. YOu always have the option to walk, without giving refunds if they don’t act right.

It reminded me of brothel sex. You struggle to have control of your body and your money with guys who have a huge sense of entitlement which is backed up by the house refund policy. And because I’ve worked at a brothel, where customer was given a refund at my expense, and now I work at an agency where I know that these guys are lucky if they find a girl who will actually do the sex work that they expect, then I have no sympathy, in fact it HELPS me get my power back from that miserable brothel experience I had earlier in the year. Men should be grateful of the pussy they get. Always.

You see, if you actually make them cum, usually you don’t need a driver. But doing the hand off most certainly guarantees that you will get tipped whatever you ask for. Somehow, the guys always have the extra $200 tip. It’s crazy. And with 4-8 shows a shift, it becomes not so bad to make 34% of $250. This is why I have an AGENCY/PIMP. The agency TRIES to do what they can to control what I do on the side to make up for the huge percentage that they take, but THEY CAN’T. They are in a phone room in Orange County and I have been doing this shit for years! They tried to stop me from taking independent calls which make double and all goes to my pocket, but they CAN’T. I CAN’T BE PIMPED. If an entity takes from me, it is only temporary before I make that money back on the sly.

It is extremely fast paced, tiring, lots of driving, lots of hustle, ***bitchy bookers from hell**, and more. But it is great to not have to be in poverty for once. I don’t use a driver, but I did for a while with this agency. It IS a lot of driving around LA and it does help, plus because you are making so much, you can afford the extra luxury of sleeping in between stops, which makes the shift fly by much faster…

Being that I am sending 3 credit card debts to collections, I have almost $1000 a month that I haven’t had for at least 2 years and ITS GREAT! Ha. I AM NO LONGER TIED TO THE FEAR OF BAD CREDIT. It is all part of the fear driven conformity tactics that BANKS use to control you, but alas, they are in debt too. Bad Credit will not mean nearly as much in the years to come because many people will have tanked their credit in the foreclosure mess. So it is less likely that you would be denied housing based on a credit score. This is good because I want to be “movin on up” out of South Central someday soon.

I’ve been meeting with managers, producers and starting this ball rolling in making a demo of Mariko Passion stuff to shop to people and get real money making gigs. I am investing about $500/song to try to make an industry ready package to sell. I can’t wait around for people to give me beats, I have to invest in their production. Most of the guys I’m working with are super hetero. It’s a very ego driven industry so I find that I am having to navigate male egos. You definitely have to demand accountability and respect. It isn’t automatically given to you. The 2 producers I’m meeting with are also like pimps. One wants for me to be “monogamous” to him. The other is a cocky punk that makes cool R&B, hip hop music that has sold to Spice Girls and Usher types-but he’s a dick. Winning respect in a cock driven world from a self proclaimed prostitute is a huge challenge. Most of them think that I am a horny freak out of their porn star fantasies. But I’m like the opposite. Especially right now. I just broke up with someone and sex is like the last thing on my mind, even when I’m having it! I just want to marry my music and make my dreams come true. And my dreams come true every time I surpass the last great show that I do. So it is a constant process, which is why I am so excited. I don’t want to believe anyone in LA who talks about “making millions” and really believe them, I just sit back and see how it all pans out and what I can get accomplished in the mean time. Working with a producer is a collaboration, and if these guys can’t collaborate with me as an artist of equal depth, meaning and creativity, not someone they can talk down to then I will take my words, my ideas, my business and my potential contribution elsewhere.

I dreamed of buying my dad a house with a pool for the kids to play and him to watch them. I dreamed of doing a song with Ashley Alexander Dupree. Moving into a new loft with a gym. It’s nice to dream again. When you are broke and constantly stressed about every dollar you can’t or don’t dream. You just struggle.

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October 2008
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