Feeling Beautiful and Sexy and Unstoppable.. Feeling Ugly and Hopeless..Life Stops for No One

photo by Llednor Nadirehs 2009

photo by Llednor Nadirehs 2009

The place is dirty and run down by my standards. The apartment complex is very discreet, very upscale.  Perfect for what we are doing.  These women just let it go.  They’ve been turning out massages out of here for years.  Dirty feeling sheets below. Manic or Tweaker (I think tweaker) Energy blasting in my ear drum and in my space.iphone camera...right before my mental breakdownWell,her space really..I am unable to handle being in the presence of certain people for too long.  I am trying to share an incall with this woman…  Especially if they are using crystal meth OR act exactly the same as if they were using heavy meth.. I am dealing with things day by day and blow by blow. My Marilyn piercing got infected and my llps swelled to the size of hot dog buns.  I waited in the emergency room for 10 hours and hating my life.  I leave without being seen in frustration.  At least I got the anti-biotics.  Oh my god.  This woman had been waiting there for 12 hour..I wasn’t going to do that..Bail me out of this low income public hospital jail!  I did this amazing photoshoot with Llednor and come home excitedly surfing through my new photos to find the best and sexiest photo or photos for the year that I will use on every internet escort and phone sex site that I can..!  But of course the bf is not impressed with how my photos look and how I feel sexy again for the first time in a while..Guess my body reacts to the mptiness I feel inside and it exploded outwards…Have been on sex worker disability..but amazingly I have gotten (non paid work)  stuff done.  I am planning a Whore a palooza music and spoken word show in San Francisco.  Usually in the summer the sex worker acivism and performances I do recharge my spirit into being able to live anotehr year fighting.  My birthday is around the corner and I need $500 because there is a “failure to appear” on my driver’s license renewal for a court in the SF Bay Area that I got a speeding ticket in…So In 7 days I have to come up with the money or not have a valid license anymore. That’s nice, isn’t it?

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