I came to Tokyo with an open heart and an open mind. But in the 3 months that I’ve been here Japanese men have given me some pretty bad impressions. The first impression I got was when a drunken salary man vomited on the train floor and his chunks splashed on my barefoot inside my open toed shoe. Lovely welcome to Japan!
I invoked compassion instead of anger because these guys work long hours and drink to mask their loneliness. I felt sorry for them because I’d already seen so many suit and tied young and drunk men sitting or laying on the floor of the train stations. If they had cars like we do in the U.S these guys would likely cause many DUI deaths. The second cultural exchange I got was from a couchsurfing.com host who I thought was so gracious to offer his extra bedroom that he usually rents out on airbnb for free to me as a couchsurfer. Our cultural conflict began when he asked if when entering and leaving his apartment, I cover my tattoos. I obliged even though June in Japan was well over 80 degrees Fahrenheit. I hadn’t invested in the Japanese arm cover fashion that many women there. Then he suggested i should take a bath before I go to bed, which might be reasonable if I had been outside somewhere but basically Id gone from my previous hostel, to his car to his place and had to put my boundaries up around my personal hygiene as it didn’t really impact him, especially since we wouldn’t be sharing a room. or perhaps he hoped otherwise. Such a silly man. He tried so many numerous times and ways to get me to be intimate with him. All in non threatening “nice guy” ways couched in couchsurfing and Japanese hospitality vaguely covering ulterior motives and hopes based on some article he read about couchsurfing being the best new hookup app known to the writer of the article. He justified his actions with reasons like “No Japanese woman walks around with no bra in front of a man like that.” of which I was quick to let him know I really wasn’t Japanese like that. Growing up in America makes a WORLD of difference, however even in America my nipples can be controversial. If it were MY APARTMENT I wouldn’t even be wearing a shirt. And I’d be the house mistress with the power but even still this has caused many an airbnb roommate of mine confusion around how easy it must be to get in my vagina, which they’d soon find out was pretty darn difficult if I didn’t like you. And also IMPOSSIBLE if we shared a roof. This has been my policy since I fucked a housemate and caught feelings for him when I was about 29. I learned the lesson the hardest way and was asked to leave the house. I moved into my own apartment, and made a promise to myself to NEVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE of putting myself in a position to be fucked and ejected from a home AGAIN. Me and couchsurfing host even talked it out for about 2 or 3 hrs into the late night hours. i felt like we had come to a resolution and hugged him. My mistake. He thought that hug was an invitation to fuck. He knocked on my door again and said if I came to his room it would be great. I was introduced to the RELENTLESS PERSISTENCE of (some) JAPANESE MEN. A couple of months later I watched a Japanese porn and I saw nothing but No means Yes scenes which, as accurate to life as we know porn isnt, it still offers SOME cultural information and truths. The AV (adult video, what they call porn in Japan) actress was steady saying No! stop! Don’t! Too big! I’m scared! I can’t! all while grimacing and making faces of resistance but whose physical body was squirting and cumming. Through those examples I read that IF there was truth to that in how Japanese women are in sexual behavior, it WOULD understandably create confusion in sex and dating as well as require a man to be persistent as hell and require him to ignore any verbal nonconsent and do the opposite in order to get laid. And feminists in the U.S think WE have a rape culture problem.