Author Archive for mariko passion

23
Nov
17

#Metoo and three and four…reprogramming the Matrix you are running in

17880652_10210868124692387_453721393325343523_oI mark the end of my time as an escort at 4.5 years ago now.  When I recap the story that I speak to audiences it goes like this “I was chasing a drug addict client down the street with a stun gun the week I met Destin Gerek, the life coach who got me into Tantra.”  The longer version of that story which I spare the public is that this same fucker once pushed me against the wall and pulled a box cutter on me and whipped his dick out and tried to masturbate on or for me just weeks before me chasing him down the street.   He had been calling my work phone for fake appointments stalking me with a phone number blocker so that each time I blocked him he could call with a different number to repeat his behavior, which happened at least twice before the stun gun chasing incident.  This last incident of running down the street after him, i was taking matters into my own hands because I knew that was the only justice i might be able to get, and I was determined to try to end the madness “by any means necessary,” which was the whore revolutionary mantra inspired by Malcolm X and other revolutionaries.  And yes, I did actually boldly go to the police, to the exact same station that I spent the one night in jail for prostitution to report this man, but it didn’t go well, because all I remember is storming out and jumping in my car to try to find this man by cruising the street clandestinely on in the vicinity the attack just occurred.   I had been seriously training in Krav Maga for over 4 years at that time to help disperse misogynistic energy and protect me from the cycle of violence that I was in.  I had earned a confidence in my physical ability to hold my own.  How did I begin taking Krav Maga for the first time?  A poorly screened client and I had an altercation at my house where I was massaging him, I sprayed him with pepper spray and he didn’t falter, he backed slowly down the stairs (which I should have kicked him down as I have a neck breaking staircase, but as I said I’m not naturally a violent person and I was too scared and traumatized to do much more than I did). He slashed the tires of my car in front of my house to let me know that he had returned once, but thankfully that was the end of me and him.  This was probably more than 7 years ago now, but just recalling it still brings chills to type.  And taking Krav Maga surely helped put me on a strong kick ass warrior path until one of my favorite instructors tried to pull my pants down suddenly during a fight drill in class (i did file admin charges on him with the school’s high ups, hold an admin meeting with all of us after that incident and I did NOT quit the school or training, i just never took his class again).  So while all of the things that have happened to me while I was a sex worker are bad and difficult to recall, there were things that happened to me that could have happened to anyone, and are in fact all part of the same disease that our society is fighting off collectively in the light right now.  I have never been a violent person.  But some things, especially if repeated can bring out the MONSTER in me, or anyone for that matter.  These things that channel the Aileen Wuornos spirit to gnarl its Kali Ma destructive force at all of the collective perpetration of all goddesses in the world.  You want to be the next person to violate me, you need to know that I will reflect your bullshit back at you in SOME FORM and not wait ten years to do so to speak my truth.  

It took its toll on me as a warrior in the battle, as a victim, as a survivor, as a student who looked up to her favorite instructor, as a 15 year old office worker, as a 17 year old, a 19 year old and more, yes me too, yes me three and four and more. There are so many incidents of sexual assault and violence in my life that I don’t even count individual incidents or people because it doesn’t serve me or anyone to do that, it is all one long continuum that did not stop until I made a radical spiritual evolution and jumped out of the matrix that I was in and received a new program from the Universe.  Very much like Neo, as he comes into consciousness and gains more martial arts skills but still his enemy Agent Smith multiplies and becomes stronger and seemingly invincible, I felt like I had no choices so I dove deeper into the depths of fire because I was so sick of living in this pattern of repetition that I felt I had no control over (even attempted seemingly suicidal decisions, put myself in death’s way, tried to become a drug addict myself but it didn’t take to me) before emerging into peace. AAEAAQAAAAAAAATFAAAAJGI4YzVlZmUzLWZkZmEtNGZlNS04NzZlLTFkNDUzYTE5NjZkYg

Realizing my power was not about making my physical body stronger or my warrior aura more protected or indifferent, that was me as Neo, trying all the ways I could muster to impossibly to bend the spoon.  ‘Do not try and bend the spoon, that’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth…there is no spoon. Then you’ll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.’

 

12
Nov
17

The R word, The N Word and the V word: Verbal Ammunition hurts people, people don’t hurt people! Hurt People Hurt People!

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…The thing that has stood out to me most, the thing that I was also guilty of was that self determined sex workers HATE being called victims, unless it is them doing the victim name calling on their own situations.  It is really hard to think straight when you are recovering from trauma.  In fact, I know that PTSD is rearing its ugly head out of my wounds when my memory freezes in the same way my body does.  My sense of direction is worse than usual (which is normally not the best) and sometimes I find it hard to find the words and names of familiar places, I find it hard to find my keys or even the keyhole which the key fits in the door of my apartment.  This usually goes on for a few days after the incident and I thank my body for being the harbinger of consciousness around sexual violence in my life again and again so that my brain catches up to what my body knows as the truth.  

What I mean by the first statement is that once we are clear that sex work in and of itself is not a victimizing situation then we can explore the further depths of the trauma that occurs when one is doing work that is criminalized, stigmatized and often residing at many of the darker alleys of the sexual activities of the majority of men and women who participate in it.  Once you are not using the rescuing paradigm then we can talk about the lack of rights that people in the sex industry are afforded in both the legal and illegal sectors.  But it gets more complicated than that IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF (and are ready) TO GO THERE.  It is easier to go with simple sound bites and hashtags and mantras such as “It’s not your fault” “theft of services equals rape” “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” and my personal non favorite “MEN ARE TRASH” and so on that on the surface seem to be the solution, but the solution has a long trajectory.  The sex worker movement, like any other oppressed identity movement also has its own sound bites which I knew very well having been in the forefront of it on a global level for multiple years.  Soundbites and PR crafted responses are designed to take the emotion out of the incident,  but as Uma Thurman expressed so eloquently regarding the recent Harvey Weinstein allegations,”I don’t have a tidy soundbite for you…because… when I have spoken out of anger, I usually regret the way I express myself, so I’ve been waiting to feel less angry, and when I am ready, I will say what I have to say.”  

The whore revolutionary (the old me) often and fearless spoke out of anger and rage against the machine and rage against my perpetrators that I knew that I probably wouldn’t press charges against because there was no institutionalized structure in place to support such allegations.  We can witness how hard it is for established wealthy celebrity females to go up against a more established male counterpart in an industry as mainstream and accepted as Hollywood.  I used this blog as my bullhorn and way to heal and process out loud during and immediately after I’d faced sexual violence.  The more years that were removed from traumatic incidents and the way that I did my work allowed me to see that in sex work, when there is violence or non consensual sexual activity (such as stealthing removal of a condom or theft of services) it is always violence but whether or not it is RAPE is something I often did not take the time to ask myself.  And when my body is screaming the answer, when I am dropping my change clumsily on the floor at the cashier counter, I KNOW THE FUCKING ANSWER! Or…I know one answer, the one answer that helps me feel safe and soothed in my times of seemingly death defying moments of anxiety and anguish.

When the brain is settled, one’s decision to use the word RAPE has the same verbal ammunition potential as using the word N**GER in many situations so we must assess its use carefully.  I started to use the word sexual violence instead.  “I have experienced a continuum of sexual violence both in, out and before sex work.”  (my sound bite which has been consciously crafted to deliberately not sound like “I was raped continuously when I was doing prostitution.’ for various reasons mostly political but also encompassing my desire to NOT CHOOSE personally disempowering language.  And the DIFFERENT choices that I have made since then are what I want my current writings to focus on.  Does our verbal ammunition do more damage than was done in the original incident in question?  Are we or can we even be conscious of the effects our words have?  I thought calling any theft of service a RAPE was my path to empowerment, but personally it was my path to insanity and an endless cycle of violence mostly to myself; and unsurprisingly because Aileen Wuornos was indeed the mother of prostitute insanity and violence who died without ever getting any of her needs met.  

29
Oct
17

When Theft of Services Equals Rape and When Reframing is Better than Blaming and Going Aileen Wuornos on a Motherfucker

Amidst the #metoo incidents of Hollywood sexual violence I am working as a Love goddess in Seattle, doing my best to fundraise some lost income and property that got stolen out of a car in Los Angeles because I was negligent. It’s my third time to work as a Tantra practitioner in Seattle, every time I have come, it’s been a great, profitable and life changing experience. And again it did not fail me. I was fortunate enough to see more clients in two weeks than I had the opportunity to see in Japan all year since, in Japan, I don’t get to have the same type of business model as I used to when I worked in the U.S so it is always a great opportunity to brush up my skills and work on lots of new seekers bodies. I’ve been working as a professional goddess for over four years now, evolved and inclusive of the seventeen years of total work history in the field of sexuality. 7 of these years I was an escort and a self proclaimed whore revolutionary sex worker activist. In the seven years that I worked, fought, spoke for and rallied with fellow sex workers I became immersed in the ideology and framework of the movement and it became the passion that woke me up in the morning and fueled me through the sometimes grueling and dangerous profession that I called my job. I have since then been extremely happy to have moved beyond all of it without entirely closing the door to how it formed me as the LOVE WORKER that writes this blog now. I tell my seekers that call my phone that Tantra is not just a catchphrase i put in my ad, and i that love is not just a euphemism for fuck or happy ending, i actually genuinely, spiritually, fully engage in LOVE MAKING and sharing with clients which usually does not include intercourse or any of the standard acronyms of prostitution that many men on Backpage might be familiar with (GFE, BBBJ, etc).  And amazing people pay me great money for it as well.  But, because of my vast history, i’m aware of what they might be referring to and can lovingly redirect them to a referral who would better serve their needs.

In order to book an appointment, I require a small deposit to show me that the seeker is serious. This time, upon suggestion from another sex worker, i try to use G**gleWallet to accept my deposit. I usually require just $50 which goes towards the session and I didn’t think twice when the client wanted to send $250 instead of $50. I get an email from G**gle that says,”$250 is being deposited into your bank account.” which means to me as a business owner that I can feel safe to facilitate a paid session.

I saw him the next morning and collected the balance in cash and proceeded to create my 2 hour of magic and love. There was nothing suspicious or ingenuine about this client, we had a beautiful session, I tapped into his God energy and everything ended in a beautiful way.

Sometime in the next day, I am checking my bank balance and realizing that the money hasn’t hit and then I call the company to check and see if there is a delay for some reason. Ggle tells me that the sender can actually cancel the payment even after the email that they sent me has been sent. They tell me that this service is not a safe way to collect money from strangers off the internet and that it should only be used for friends and family (as if friends and family never rip people off).

7 years of being a vengeful, righteous whore revolutionary rose up from the fire of my root to the top of my consciousness and i remembered all the times as a sex worker that i had been ripped off and shorted by escort clients. I was mostly surprised that i was being confronted with these feelings when the way that i had constructed my life, the decisions i made, the clients that i chose and who chose me, the work that i did, the vibration was supposed to be all different now. But, I had gotten ripped off in a similar way from a Tantra coaching client in May whom i had coached for several hours too long for no promised pay received. My live work roommate in Seattle had just talked to me about a time when she was working in New York City and a similar thing had happened and she had “felt raped’ and couldn’t work the rest of her tour because she just felt extremely depressed and violated. I had just read a blog by Lily Fury explaining why she had recently created a devastating fundraising fraud upon the sex worker community all in an attempt to get a bad client blacklisted for what she felt was rape and not theft of services. “he was a client who had shortchanged me (that is, had raped me) when I was desperate after just getting out of jail.” Sex workers and women in general have righteous anger and history about rape and sexual violence not being named for what it is and not being punished equally or justly, so it seems in retaliation to the systems that have failed and ignored them, many of them seem to have started using the words theft of services and rape interchangeably. Since leaving the sex worker rights movement about two years ago to focus on spiritual sexual self growth and other community frameworks, the thing that has stood out to me most, the thing that I was also guilty of was that self determined sex workers HATE being called victims, unless it is them doing the victim name calling on their own situations. (To be cont)

04
Oct
17

Edging on Survival

I’m in an airport again. I am migrating towards one light of hope in the city of Seattle. I am meditating with fierce intention sitting on this plane.  The thumb and two fingers are folded in a mudra that calls upon the Hindu money god Kunberra, seen in some popular culture movies as a lucky three finger rub done to entice money.  My mudra is in front of my solar plexus. My power center. I am trying to regulate calm in the way i always do when i am in these kinds of situations. And its often. Someday of course, maybe this time, I won’t be so lucky. I’m not lucky. Im blessed and guided.  I have manifested miracle after miracle and defied the impossible again and again. I laughed at one social media survey that asked the number of times I’ve nearly died.  The person who answered before me put 0 and my number is definitely 3-5. Phew. I know a lot about near death I realized.  And many of these incidents were my fault and perhaps could have all been avoided. If i were a different person on a different journey.  Why am I alive? Luck?? No. Something better is planned for me.

But ladies and gentlemen, Can she do it yet again??

The thing that helps to sooth me are thoughts of HOW many times this fire has been turned up to the highest flame and i somehow miraculously by some magic wand from above have been saved at the last minute. In the nick of time, on my last thirty dollars to my name before running out.

In comes a generous email or two with a proposal. A sign of exactly how blessed and guided I truly am, a sign of how I am on the right path.

The trick is not only hope and prayer but deliberate and consistent moves forward and keeping blame and fear and self judgment OUT of the brain.

For the last two weeks I have felt like the old lady sitting at the Reno slot machine putting in dimes all day after day hoping for a win in the City of Angels but getting nothing but a short surge of break even coins and then the same monotony of refilling empty nothing but smoke and dreams in the suddenly wrong marketplace for thegoddess at this time.

But my last trip to LA was so fucking prosperous! How could this happen? Well, it doesn’t take long to recall that this frustration at the LA market has happened before. It was an endless unpredictable feast to famine cycle that I lived.

It was uncanny how i got out of the country leaving a trail of left behind possessions on the street and in my apartment that I lived and loved in for 11 years in South Central LA.  I moved out of the U.S to Japan with 2 overweight bags, a guitar, no plan, no visa and no support on the ground. I had $600 in my bank account when i finally arrived in Narita International (money I made in Seattle 2016). I picked a hostel at random and remember sending all my bags to be delivered there.  It was a death defying feat in my mind, one that was filled with doors opening again and again making the impossible possible. I imagined that I was jumping to my death by going  to Japan.  But i was actually parachuting into my growth.

Today I am going back to Seattle hoping for the same wonderful turnaround of finances. For some reason things were sparse in LA this time for work. I invested ad money in all the outlets I knew but it felt like the old days living in LA before Japan…gambling on the backpage with my last ten dollars hoping hoping hoping.

I have endured being thoroughly scolded by a man and his bitchy roomate who has provided some of my support structure. In the last few days Ive had to cling to his schedule like a codependent barnacle and go with him where he needed to go in the city so that if a seeker called I would have access to his car to drive to a session.  He is letting me stay at his house for a few days as well. He paid for me to go to Seattle. Not a gift, payment to leave him alone.  Not hostile just guilt and shame ridden but who was I to complain? I deserved most of his chiding in exchange for his assistance. I admitted I fucked up over and over this time. Ive been irresponsible and angered and inconvenienced people because of my recklessness.  There is a 12 step group called “Underearners Anonymous” who like the other 12 step groups are told to apologize to those who have been hurt by our addictions. I am made to believe that I am an abusive absent minded pot head sex worker who dug my own grave and he was bailing me out again.  Am i addicted to underearning OR overachieving without a backup plan? Since i survived the first cliff jump, and the 2nd and the 3rd, i have grown faithful.

I need to pay him back. This is my spiritual assignment but…he will take a position behind the other people I owe money who came before him so I dont promise anything out loud. He expects me to disappoint like every other pathetic girl he has helped in this way in the past. But I dont want to be like them….

I have moved forward. I am not going back. I am not the same person i was.

Late nite after midnite calls that ring, impolite and mysterious, definitely not going to screened by me type of caller.  I made my living for 4 years working the after hours LA unscreened male population 12am-4am sometimes 6am feeding mostly drug addicts their bit of instant gratification and love but that was years, seemingly lifetimes ago.

I spoke to a potential seeker and just decided after 2 minutes I wasn’t going to go back even if I was on my last ten dollars.  I know who is behind the doors in these late night unscreened phone hours and i must go forward in faith not fear and desperation.

I am on a plane to Seattle. The first time i made the journey i DROVE in the snow from LA!! I was also fearing death then, it was the same please please let this work vibe…and at the other side was blossoms into my Tantra practice.  The second time Seattle gave me seeds to take to Japan. And this time I embrace the unknown yet again. Maybe thats my addiction.  

22
Jul
17

Goddess Martial ARTS

4:30 in the afternoon, just woke up. 9 hrs of sleep, 5 hours of dancing hard. I even stripped down to my stripper dress which looks like a long tight shirt on the dance floor and endured the open judgment of Japan on my 41 year old ‘oh my god did is she wearing any panties (i was, but its a stripper dress so its hard to tell) and actually dancing in a public place?’ Good thing my party mate was a gaijin dude and he was not at all embarrassed. I kept thinking how the soul of my mother was yelling at me even though she isn’t dead. “NOBODY DOES THAT IN JAPAN!!” It wasn’t about exhibitionism or being too drunk, it was about the fact that I wanted to free my legs and my thighs and do some SERIOUS DANCING and my long skirt was getting in the way!    I used to be a stripper so fuck you, I don’t give fuck. All these Japanese guys were confused. They are always confused by me. I’m glad I wasn’t dating one of them, I probably wouldn’t have done that so I could save face for his family or something silly. But I was raised American and I don’t give a fuck, and even in America I don’t give a fuck, and even in big bad ass LA, I do some crazy I don’t give a fuck SHIIIIT and no one can figure me out.

I like doing energetic experiments like this, the kind that TEST AND CONFRONT your role as a woman in society. This is my brand of MARTIAL ARTS. This is the energy of my performance art testicles. I love that I can get away with it. Walking the lines of being punished as a whore in any given society. And i built these guts because I WAS THAT WHORE. I WAS THAT STRIPPER.

But NOW I KNOW I AM A GODDESS. AND because I’m so POWERFUL IN MY BODY and ENERGY AND MIND NOTHING. BAD. EVER. HAPPENS. I defy judgment, rape, violence and gravity. Because I know you would fuck me if I let you, but if you only had the guts like me to step to me to even dance, but you don’t so I laugh at you even though you are laughing at me behind your covered mouth.

Perhaps if you know about Burningman culture, it can be described as something close to that, its not because I’m American or Japanese or Chinese or queer or whatever…because EVEN IF YOU WALK AROUND SHIRTLESS at some FESTIVALS in America you are told it is wrong, beaches in LA it is illegal. So, it isn’t because I’m gaijin or American.  This culture/strength was in me BEFORE I went to the playa, and it runs in my blood even though I’ve stopped going. But, at least there, there are 1000s of other warrior goddesses dancing with me.

OUR BODY EXPRESSION IS OUR TRUTH and you can try to create social norms or legit laws to control me but it doesn’t work.  Another example, I am SUPPOSED TO WEAR A BRA.  But why?  Because YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE or have a reaction to my nipples.  I have disagreed with that my entire adult life, so for most of my adult life, I have refused to wear a bra.  In Japan, tattoos are not illegal but if I don’t hide them, I can’t swim in the pool where I do laps.  So i conform.  If I MUST CONFORM in order to access equality then I will.   But if you want me to conform because you want to convince me to subdue my blatant inequality then FUCK YOU.  My nipples aren’t hard because I’m horny or because I desire to fuck you.  I mean FUCK YOU and YOUR SOCIAL CONDITIONING.  (whatever country that is inherited from).

Sometimes when I get bored of having the male gaze on my chest, I avoid shirts that bring out the protrusion of nipple flesh, but most of the time, I do what i feel like doing and wear what I feel like wearing.  Some women actually hate me for it, but I don’t lose any sleep over it.

My millennial Asian American sister Anni Ma is in a groundbreaking lawsuit that I always wanted to do to change hypocritical society.  She gives a middle finger to the “put a shirt onners” and even tells “so called radical festival authority figures” if “Would they like to talk to her lawyer about their request to cover her chest?”  Of course, It would take the next generation of feminist to finally push this stupid hypocrisy through, and so I am watching to see if she is successful in American courts, but in my eyes she has already made profound changes regardless of what the outcome of the case is.
Continue reading ‘Goddess Martial ARTS’

11
Jun
17

Secure Unattached Relationship Style

YOU HAVE CONSENT TO AUTHENTICALLY CRITIQUE:
 
I was raised the youngest of 3 girls. But they never hung out with me. They hung out with each other and love each other and still treat each other like normal sisters. My single mom worked a lot and wasn’t really present. So I was raised in an all female household but there was no “goddess feminine energy” to my knowledge. Very masculine actually, and with the addition of being left to fend for myself emotionally throughout, I developed the skill of self love, self companionship and relentless independence.
 
So I hardly have ANY CIS FEMALE FRIENDS. Not in the last 10 years. And certainly not a pack of girlfriends. I never had or know anything of that life of going out on a girls night. Twice a lesbian annual one, but that also didn’t last long. If I have female friends they are over 60 or trans MTFs. Seriously. Is it something about mating and primal nature? I have my 2 chosen daughters, they are cis female and AMAZING. My daughter Patzy Pat adopted me, I always say. I was about to kill myself that year.
 
MEN (str8 and gay) ARE ATTRACTED TO ME for mentorship, sex and friendship, coaching and domination. I’ve always had gay/bi guy best friends, but i don’t play the straight girl, its a queership we sail, rocking out cocks out. NO SEX WITH FRIENDS and chosen family. For me, that’s what I believe makes us long term friends and family! I have specialized in MEN’S SEXUALITY primarily and professionally for 17 YEARS. Boys and sexual harassment in schools was my Grad School thesis.
 
But MEN and my romantic relationships. If they are attracted to stay with me they are OFTEN LOST or seeking more than I can give and are certainly not a reflection of my strength and I am done with unhealthy codependant raising of any baby man, or accepting anything less than the DIVINE MASCULINE who is at least willing to work on self constantly, as I do, as I am. Together, if we are to be together. BESIDES, I AM LOOKING FOR A MAN TO RAISE A CHILD WITH so they must be a wise old divine soul even if their years don’t match with mine. It has always been a BATTLE to get my partners into coaching or counseling WITH ME and I will not do that again. I choose someone who has already had coaching, therapy or counseling! Woohoo!
 
So it is said that the way we date now is based on our childhoods and previous relationships. I played, existed and ventured alone. I rode my bike alone going nowhere special throughout age 9-11 and starting driving my moms car by age 15! Ride my pinkHuffy around around South SF the same way I do in LA and Tokyo. (It feels that way, so that’s why I love biking. )
 
I AM PERPETUALLY SINGLE. AM I AVOIDANT? AM I INSECURE?? I was an insecure WRECK in my last relationship 1000% but I ABSOLUTELY KNOW how to not do THAT again. I am pretty sure I am SECURE as a human and a woman…yet SECURES always have partners. Us 3 sisters were raised in the same environment, but BOTH MY SISTERS turned out to be SERIAL MONOGAMISTS with NO significant time BEING SINGLE and me an ALWAYS SINGLE BARELY AND TERRIBLY COUPLED and journeying through a continuum of sexual violence. Unloved and neglected perhaps? This was imprinted AT BIRTH. My dad and 2 sisters weren’t even there when I came OUT.
 
Does it make me avoidant if at the first few red flag behaviors I can easily CUT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER? Not friends with any exes or their mamas.
 
“the SECURE UNATTACHMENT RELATIONSHIP STYLE” LOL
 
that’s me. Secure unattacheds are not opposed to pair bonding relationships….just cautious as to who they will actually attach to because, they are SECURE UNATTACHED. So if you are not BETTER, FASTER, MORE AMAZING than me by my damn self then I’m blowing exhaust in your face as I drive away. Is this what they call AVOIDANT? Happy to avoid BULLSHIT AND TRAUMA. Arigato Gozaimasu. Ke’ko desu!
 
I almost never am attached to another or any group or clique. I have a romantic relationship every 2 years and the last 2 lasted less than 6 months. It has been over 2 years since my last serious relationship.
 
I am always alone. Most of the time I love it, but sometime I hate it. Right now, it’s getting REALLY OLD AND LONELY. I’d like to be in a romantic relationship in Japan. I’d like to be courted by decent gods and goddess. I’d like to have exciting sex again. I wonder if it will ALWAYS BE THIS WAY and if it is possible to change it or me and what i can do to influence a shift.
07
May
17

4 years thegoddess

LinkedIn tells me Congratulations, I’ve been a professional goddess for 4 years now.  So I thought I would write this in case some of you don’t know what it is that I do for a living.  

4 years ago, I met Destin Gerek fed up with my life as an escort.  I had stories of chasing clients down the street with a stun gun and hating the toll the hard knock life was taking on my body, soul and mind.  All of which i felt I was losing.  The money I was making took long hours of staying up all night and risking my life and I was at the end of “not sustainable” and about to implode.  He coached me and was the catalyst into my current life, but there lots of teachers and mentors after him who also deserve credit. Triambika Ma Vive’s hands on trainings gave me many of my body work and basic Tantrika tools, and then the next year  Shawn Roop trained me on how to take Tantra and make it into a hands off coaching practice, so the choice to be naked or not was totally in me and I had solid tools to run a completely legit healing business for men, women and couples.  Although, to date, my speciality still remains men. men. men. men.  And it could just be me or where I advertise or the Universe or something else.  Men (gay and/or straight) are attracted to thegoddess.  I stopped resisting it.  I made a business out of it.  I’ve worked with a few women.  maybe 5?  in 4 years!  But the spiritual path was awakened and that was my COME TO GODDESS moment, which since I was the goddess and thegoddess (me) is a channel for the divine which is greater than me, something that I feel and don’t have to explain with a book or dogma has led to many many other teachings and courses including learning how to Kirtan chant, going on a 10 day silent Vipassana meditation and then last year training to combine KINK and TANTRA and COACHING with Francesca Gentille, another career changing course that made me into the practitioner I am today.   I’ve also learned from the free content of  Jason D McClain and lots from Monique Darling and always from Tony Robbins and Gabrielle Bernstein.  
The thing that people pay me the most for is to introduce them into their sexuality development, to DOMINATE WITH COMPASSION, to LOVE AUTHENTICALLY WITHOUT ATTACHMENT.  and sometimes, rarely we have intercourse, but mostly that’s not what people pay me for.  Not even close.  And if we do or did, it was entirely my choice and power and I didn’t do it because I got paid, I did it because the connection we were building inspired that next connection.  Or…I just wanted to.  I can do that.  The ball is ENTIRELY IN MY COURT. ALWAYS. Much of the work I do is CLOTHED.   I even work on niteflirt, a PHONE SEX website and I DO NOT OFFER PHONE SEX!  I coach.  with my glasses on and I do not wear fetish outfits or make up most of the time and STILL I THRIVE.
At this moment, I am planning a trip to go see a client in Okinawa and also negotiating with a client who is willing to pay me $2500 plus travel back to LA (where I just was last month!).  I charge $2500 and these men are not doing cocaine while saying yes to me.  We are both sober and in our authenticities and seeking to heal each other and the world and communities around us.  It is my 4th year building this business, I raised my rates in 2017 and these 2 clients are both a resounding YES, HOW CAN I PAY YOU to my 2017 rates.  And I do this IN JAPAN.  AND MY BUSINESS IN TOKYO is better than it was in LA, and I can still go back to LA or anywhere in the U.S and work anytime I want to.  Except doing Tantra bodywork is ILLEGAL IN THE U.S and it isn’t in Japan.  And exactly TEN YEARS AGO I was arrested for prostitution and I’m actually not even supposed to be granted a visa in Japan because of that history but I’m good at working outside of the laws.  TEN YEARS AGO, I remember saying to a crowd at a conference,”I am a professional drug user.  Really, I get paid to do drugs.” and I remember feeling proud of that because I wasn’t a drug addict and somehow I was winning.
But, I’m not one to say everything is all good good good all the time.  But I hope if you are somewhere questioning the possibilties of your future that I can

INSPIRE YOU TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN OVERCOME, ASPIRE AND YOU ARE WORTH IT.

 And if you want to talk to me more about our paths and how they can cross towards helping you to achieve your YES HOW CAN THEY PAY YOU LEGITIMATELY, message me.   Especially if you are woman identified.  Here’s my website and I’m not afraid to share it, but my next biz move is to change my goddess name into Mariko Passion and start TANTRA TOKYO LOVE here in Japan as my second business portal because I don’t need a separate pro name anymore: 
http://www.goddesskayakwanyin.com




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