Greetings to all my readers, my lovers, my former lovers, and most of all taking a moment to acknowlege ALL MY FUCKING HATERS. FUCK YOU AGAIN but THANKS FOR READING MY BLOG. Hope it teaches you a little something or two.
I’m not going to post all or even most of your comments, I’m at best going to paraphrase them for my own purposes but I am definitely not to glorify your abuse.
I know the internet and text message technology allows you to spew hatred very disconnectedly and without feeling much consequence. All I can say to you from inside of me, if you are hating and thinking abusive thoughts about me understand that I spend many evening preparing for our next meeting in person. 3-4x a week I train to defend, punch, kick, eye gouge, headbutt, take painful blows and dance circles around the average unassuming DICK like yourself. There is an inner MONSTER that all sex workers have. She is the spirit of Aileen Wuornos that has been wronged too many fucking times and YOU might just happen to be the final trigger, the final tipping point into that 5150 land of no quick return…Do you REALLY want to trigger my inner Aileen? REALLY? You call me a crazy bitch (or some variation of that phrase) to try to break me down, but it’s you that made me this crazy bitch. (Men who argue with me ALWAYS call me crazy. Why? Because rising up against masculinity to them IS crazy. You as a BITCH thinking that you can DO SHIT, IS CRAZY, according to them).
I was fearless before I even knew I could fight. Now I am even more ready for you if you ever decide to act up in person.
I just imagine me biting and tasting your blood in my mouth and not stopping because you are screaming…
You think it’s fucking bad to deal with a bitch who has PMS? try a bitch who has PTSD…
Who am I talking to? A few different MEN actually. Its scary that there’s so many people who actually wish bad things on me for telling my truth. For showing my belly and thighs with a short tight skirt, for being a size 11 and not size 7 or 3. For demanding that I HATE MYSELF.
No, I’m not pregnant. I’ve never had a child, but I stand ready to have endless baby making sessions with the next person that comes to me bearing true partnership and love. (You think I’m joking? I’m not! Wall to wall unprotected sex with my future baby daddy in some beachfront Condo please please please…) *ps. this does not declare my heterosexuality but I’m sure I want to make a fuck/love child not a turkey baster one 🙂
When I was a teacher, I was 7 lbs lighter than I am now and students would always ask if I was pregnant! Everyday! Girls would ask it so often, that I had to make it a CLASS RULE that I included in a handout! 4 years older and looking back, I only WISH I had the body I had then! I just figure that the Renaissance figure that was popular back in the day that allowed women’s thighs, hips and bellies to express themselves in any direction they wanted were all en vogue. I have a pear shaped figure even when I am the ideal body weight. This is why students would ask me if I was pregnant back then, even that I was thinner.
It is truly a sad state of things, the amount of FAT OPPRESSION I am enduring by these misogynist abusers. I am FIFTEEN pounds overweight (according to current Beauty Standards as defined by the mainstream) and I get name called every obese vocabulary word combined with the derogatory for prostitute as if I were THREE HUNDRED pounds overweight. FAT OPPRESSION is a tool of the SEXIST PIG to keep you silent about who you really are when they are usually the ones out of shape and sloth like. I actually don’t care that much about being overweight. Okay, sometimes I do. It’s pretty hard not too isn’t it But not enough to get a lap band or go on a crystal meth diet or even a Raw Food Molasses Lemon concoction diet! But, it’s really the OTHER PEOPLE that care way more than I do. I don’t like being out of shape when I am. I often can see my body change when I go out of town away from my martial arts training for 1-2 weeks. I’ve seen my arms and legs seem bigger after doing Krav Maga for 10 months. It is the other people that MAKE me care. It is the other men that DEMAND that I know that I am NOT HOT, not fuckable, not worth their money. And if I were fifty pounds heavier, then the rape jokes would come I’m sure. “You’d be lucky if someone raped you.” (there is a great chapter on this in the Yes means yes anthology)
“Of course you fuck fat guys! You are fat!”
“Anger Bitter Overweight Discount Hoe”
comments from 2 different assholes, I said I wasn’t going to glorify their abuse* but I’ll just keep it brief.
I have a body like my mother did at my age. Look to your parents to see how you will age. She was a hot hostess with a rocking body in Japan in her 20s. I was a smoking hot 125lb stripper who graced the cover of 2 national San Francisco magazines in my 20s and my dad still says,”You were gorgeous? When?” (My dad is great with sex worker rights, but horrible with how to talk to the ladies, which is why he has never dated (or gotten laid) after my parents divorced. My dad also thinks that I am fat.
All I know is that in ten years I am going to hate that I didn’t enjoy my body more when I was 34, just like I hate that I didn’t enjoy my body more at 30 because all my students kept asking if I was pregnant.
I wonder..(really, I really DO wonder) HOW MANY hits of mine you could actually TAKE of mine before you hit the fucking ground? Then will you say that I am weak? Have you EVER had your face stomped on by a PREGNANT LADY?
Would you like to volunteer to be my human punching bag in an upcoming performance? I fantasize about having you stand there and just take my hits while laughing and taunting me. It would be the ultimate belt test…and a true test of your MANHOOD Don’t you think? I do, tough guy. If you want me to set up a cage match and even take BETS on how long you can remain standing as I attempt to lay you out in 5 hits through facebook, EMAIL ME NOW (mariko.passion at gmail). Let’s take this to a performance art/youtube level motherfucker, I’m ready. I’m obviously not afraid to put my vulnerabilities out there for the public to consume, ARE YOU?
(Inspired by the one who had the nerve to say
I take “WANNA BE martial arts and yoga” LOL)
A former Wells Fargo Bank robber was one of my clients the other night and he took me to eat a seafood plate at Denny’s (that’s how GFE I really am, take NOTES). He let me SHOCK HIM with my stun gun! I didn’t do it for too long and I didn’t hold the gun at his throat like I would to a perpetrator trying to rush me and follow up the shock with several groin kicks and punches just like we train in class.
“It feels like you just stabbed me in the chest.” He confirmed. He was a crazy man indeed. Entertaining clientele as always. I hate banks and especially have a bone to pick with Wells Overdraft Up the ASS Fargo. I was glad to hear that he had gotten away with robbing them 3 times without even using a gun. We talked about our Bonnie and Clyde fantasies. He could have been dangerous. Convicted felon. Former bank robber?! I wasn’t scared, fascinated. I like meeting people of all walks of life. I like my job.
He was massaging my back when he told me he robbed banks. I had to turn around and face him so I could read his eyes and his energy. His intentions…my safety. I read that he was cool. He was so happy to be with me, I felt safe. “But that can all change,” I said snapping my fingers and looking in his eyes,”Just like THAT.” I said recalling the two times I had been robbed by male clients. He told me he didn’t even use a gun when he robbed them, so I figured he wasn’t going to pull a gun out on me. We were at his mom’s house and she was pattering around in the kitchen getting ready for work, so I just felt like he wasn’t going to flip on me at his mama’s house. The two men that robbed me did not use guns. One said he had a gun and I just believed him. The next person who tries to rob me is going to be attacked by me NO DOUBT. I pepper sprayed my 2nd perpetrator 3x while he stared without blinking at me walking backwards out of my house. His reaction was psychotic or drug induced indeed and I didn’t think to kick his ass in my own house, I just wanted him out. I am pretty sure today if that happened things would end much more violently. I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BE VICTIMIZED AGAIN IF I CAN HELP IT. The 2nd time I reacted better. The 3rd time is the charm! (Well, not for them). I don’t even care if it isn’t in the context of sex work. It may very well NOT be. I feel the same way. FUCK YOU FOR THINKING I AM EASY PREY. I WILL DIE TRYING TO SURVIVE THE NEXT ATTACK I SWEAR.
DO NOT TRY TO USE THE CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG AGAINST ME. If I have posted it here, I am already aware of it and you aren’t telling anyone anything they couldn’t read for themselves. (I know I suck dick for money, I know I have herpes, thanks anyway). I’ve processed it through writing and posting and so throwing it back at me is pretty fucking stupid of you. I’m not even going to give you an E for effort. I’m not TRYING to sell a sexual fantasy. I don’t put my best photos up here on purpose. I know about the imperfections. I’m putting them up there so readers can understand the reality of a sex worker. This is not an escort blog for the boys. I have one of those on my work website and it pains me to try to write in such a way that holds back so much of who I truly am. This is a skill that comes naturally to most people.
Lots more people are reading this than I originally thought. I had an escort call through my agency and met a man waiting for me outside his apartment building. He was extremely cordial. He recognized me immediately. “You have a blog, don’t you?” he asked. I felt a tad reluctant to admit at first because I wasn’t sure if this was going to HELP or HURT my business as an agency girl. LOL.
LOTS of issues here. In escorting, I try to stay as neutral as possible so I can appeal to everyone potentially. “Can I get my donation and then I’ll talk about my blog.” I wink. It turns out he’s a huge fan. He thinks I am awesome and super hot and he respects me for my writing and all this great stuff! I am laughing while we are rolling around on his bed because I have arrived there under the guise of another fake picture which rings the agency that I work for on most nights. Here is some random internet developer who I do an outcall in Los Angeles to, who is already familiar with me and my blog (which is based on my real life events) before we EVEN have sex! “You went to New York right? You had a threesome for your birthday?” he said! I was laughing my ass off (LMFAO)! Tooo many things like that have happened during my agency work in LA lately. It’s become a small small city to me lately based on this and other coincidences.
This blog is NOT really made for most clients (he was the exception). This blog is anti-patriarchy, anti-sexist, anti-racist, radical feminist shit and the average escort client in LA is simply not that demographic, go figure. Some dickheads have a PROBLEM with me for telling my truth but this blog isn’t made for THEM. Hobbyists haaate me. Submissives want me to dominate them and spit in their mouths but get angry when I say I need a donation for that kind of treatment!
This blog is made for ME first and foremost, so I can get my issues and pain off my chest through writing it out because I have to FAKE IT TO TAKE THE MONEY TOO MUCH SOMETIMES(I played a board game for tips with a diehard Glen Beck fan for hours!) so I gotta put the words on this blog so I don’t go crazy from keeping all my good stories to myself.
I arrived at another escort agency client’s house. I climb the stairs to his bedroom, the guy says, “You look familiar.” Here we go, I think as I smile. “Do you go to the Standard Hotel? In Hollywood?” he asked. There was only a very limited times that I actually get to go out and enjoy club nites for just me so it’s easy to remember. “Ah, yes, I said. I know you. How are you?” I had taken his drunk ass home when he sat in my booth as I was eating at the diner at 3am. “Yeah, you never called me back.” I said.” Too bad for you, $300 please.” PAYBACK TAX. Of COURSE you have to pay me! But if you had not been an asshole you might have gotten a few free lays out of it and maybe some good company, but oh well. I decided not to hit him up for the $200 tip at the time of this call since we had been together before. A pity fuck indeed. I did not have to be so nice. The sex was mediocre as I remembered it the first time. We exchanged numbers, but I haven’t called him again for a freebie. No thanks. LA: smaller and smaller every day.
I wonder if people recognize me when I walk through the city…I have very distinct hair colors and tattoos and style of dress…They may have been an agency client and are embarrased cuz they paid $500 to have sex with me for 20 minutes but most of them have actually great memories of our time together once they get over the money part. I don’t rob them of their money. They give it to me with a desperate smile on their face very willingly. They paypal me from their computers, I drive them to the ATM (sometimes), they write me checks with the drivers license and work phone # on it…they are consenting tippers accepting of the agency fee that they got hustled into paying. “It’s a tax on both of us really,” I say,”But if you call me again, you won’t have to pay it!” I smile. I wouldn’t get repeat clients from my agency work if they were all dissatisfied and disgruntled.
This blog is for others like me, sex workers and similar souls who I may be speaking about, educating, coming out and marching for. I speak my words and music for you. This blog is not intended to get me escort clients, I don’t escort or dominate under this name at all. I work for 2 agencies and I work for myself so it would be really really difficult for you to try to hurt my business in such a way that would be crippling as I have multiple names and identities I use at any given time. What does it matter anyway? Half the time I try to not even exchange names. Unless I decide to pull them into my reality. Then they get the personal phone number and my “real name.” (Priceless). Suprisingly with usually a 2 sentence recap, I can remember everyone who I’ve been with, even if I don’t know their names anymore.
Mariko means CHILD OF PURE TRUTH. It’s really my Japanese name. I speak the truth using this name as a blogger, a writer, a poet a singer and an artist. I created a name where I COULD candidly talk about being a sex worker without fear of losing credentials in the “real world” or have anything I say as an activist affect my profits as a sex worker.
You cannot be so candid in ANY business and expect to gain business. It’s just a numbers game. Staying neutral is obviously to your advantage. Trying to agree with everyone. Having something to talk about with former meth factory manufacturers, gangsters, bank robbers and other criminals as well as hold your own with the Glen Beck/Tea Partiers, hedgefund bankers, and litigators of the world.
I realize also in putting my video on the change.org petitition with its 1,869 views that there are a lot of WOMEN with a lot of strong viewpoints about me. I have created myself as a target of judgment and criticism for the anti-prostitution movement through the petition I created to make advertisers verify that the escorts are over 18 and not being forced or held against their will. Many SEX WORKERS who are well known in the twittersphere and in the sex worker literati circles were VERY OPPOSED to my petition. The amount of opposition surprised me. For some reason, I didn’t expect it! It was exciting to see which sex worker rights advocates were actually unafraid to endorse and which ones (Scarlot Harlot, my whore mother and mentor) were afraid to outwardly sign it. “If some sex workers strongly oppose,”that could be a good reason to look it over very closely,”Scarlot said but I realized something that I knew already. With policy, it is really rare that you would be able to PLEASE everyone so in order to be effective it is a strategy of picking battles. We saw this happen with Proposition K in San Francisco. Not nearly did all the sex workers agree with the wording but we all came out to help pass it anyway. It was drafted by a woman that many sex workers don’t really always agree with online and in person. There were some labor disagreements between the people that actually acquired the signatures to get the measure on the ballot and actually 2 separate sex worker parties endorsing the measure. We managed to look like a somewhat unified whole and achieved 41.3% of San Francisco’s yes vote that year even though there is usually sever infighting in SF sex worker politics and very little real policy ever gets passed as a result.
I did the petition to start a better dialogue at change.org about sex work and sex workers rights. I made myself the sacrificial lamb so they would stop being so ridiculous on that site. I did hope that it would be a good enough idea to be implemented by at least the local LA Weekly paper of which I am a weekly adult classifieds client. Craigslist adult section shut down in the U.S. Backpage in the U.S and Craigslist in Canada were soon to be shut down as I write this. I felt a true urgency to do something to SAVE my source of revenue. I felt threatened and unwilling to let the LA Weekly cave in to anti-prostitution campaigners without an outspoken sex worker like myself advocating for herself! That was the goal of the petition, but people still find reasons to HATE. And that has taken a toll on me for sure. SOME Sex workers on bound not gagged love to jump down my throat like a big dick every time I write something, and that is pretty disturbing and disheartening to me as I feel that I would and almost have died fighting in the whore revolution for the rights and lives of bitches who could give a flying fuck about my advocacy or efforts.
Get a real job! I don’t feel sorry for people like Mariko Passion. They take the easy money route (of sex work????!!) by using their body to make a “quick buck” and don’t want to work like the rest of us! And even some religious anti-porn crusaders hitting my youtube with very strange comments about repenting and finding salvation through new jobs…? Retail? Restaurant work? I felt like I was listening to a witch hunter from the Crucible movie. anyone who thinks sex work is easy money, has obviously NEVER done it. It was pretty insane. Keeping up with micromanaging their comments and non sequidors has been overwhelming and I’ve just given up in the last two weeks and just left their last words up there without a rebuttal. I didn’t start this campaign so I could argue and micro manage people’s skewed moralities. The petition quite likely will have no impact on the sources that I aimed it at, but it did get my face and the sex worker rights agenda front and center into their website which is what it so DESPERATELY needed if it were really a site about creating CHANGE.
What pains me to DEATH almost about the “real job” comments is that I have worked 60 hours or more a week as a high school teacher and as the founder and director of SWOP-LA which I ran and ran and ran for 3 years with very very little pay. What constititutes the real of the real job? Running SWOP as a harm reduction/HIV program was very very real to me. It was so real looking that people that I sat on panels and committees with probably had NO CLUE that I afforded MYSELF a place at their tables BECAUSE I drove around LA all night long “sucking dick for money.” I’ve had lots of jobs. None of them EVER paid me what I was worth until sex work. Now, if I was in Canada, I would have gotten $20-30/hr for running an organization like SWOP-LA but we are in the U.S. Harm Reduction work usually pays $10-14/hr to start, part time with no benefits, and just like teaching, if you are directing or leading a non profit yourself, you will likely volunteer 20-40 hours of unpaid time to the cause.
With feminists like them, who needs patriarchy?
One sex worker activist local to LA but whom I have never met said that my petition didn’t speak to the “average sex worker.” This confused me. Did she believe that I was above average or below average? I can’t really think of a sex worker who is more average than me. I call myself “upper” working class! My clients are UPS drivers and warehousers, gaffers and tweakers from all over LA who happen to be awake between 10pm and 6am. I don’t have any race based restrictions (i.e no black guys) no weight restrictions, I take crack heads, coke heads, drunks (within reason)! Massages start at $175. I’ll smoke weed with you and let you buy me a fish dinner at Denny’s (if you let me practice stun gunning you in the parking lot!). I was a craigslist, am an LA Weekly and backpage escort and virtually stay away from review boards unless I have to use them. I am not sure what is not average about me?
This MAY be because I am an artist and I make people suck on my tampons on stage? That’s certainly not the average sex worker’s routine, true. Confusion. The vocal opposition is about not wanting to trust the media outlets with our age verification information. This is the kind of verification that outlets like That Mall and Eros.com have in place. These women advertise at these outlets but are screaming online their opposition, urging other sex workers to NOT sign my petition blindly. My petition was even mocked on her twitter. “Guess who is NOT going into any advertising office and giving them my ID?” she tweeted. She also has NEVER made her presence known in any sex worker activist events that I had ever been to, including December 17th in LA where she lives and works or anywhere else for that matter so I’m not really sure if her opinion of my work is all that valid anyway. So much for sex worker solidarity. It pretty much goes along with the rest of the Angeleno attitude of “It has nothing to do with me directly so why should I give a fuck” attitude. I knew that sex workers were an impossible group to gather in this city unless they were gathering around eating carrots and ranch and talking about nothing during a review board mixer aimed to get them more hobbyist clients.
Another leader for SWOP-LA the chapter of SWOP that I founded and ran for 3 years has finally emerged after leaving the organization dormant for almost a year! I am grateful to pass the torch as always. We tried to do this with SWOP-LA’s second leader Ofelia Corazon, but she was unable to take on all that running a SWOP chapter in the big apathetic city of LA requires. I feel no disappointment. I was dying to step down. And when she said that she wasn’t going to run it, I certainly knew I was not going to take it back from her. It was out of my hands and would lay dormant for up to a year, I indeed focused all my energy, as promised on sex worker rights channeled through my art and music and have never felt sad about not being on a 3 hour conference call since.
“You look familiar…” they say. Maybe you’ve had sex with me, I immediately think, but I really honestly don’t have sex with that many people. I tell the HIV counselor 10 a month just to make the “counseling” session that happens before the test easier for both of us to process through. That 10 includes all client sexual interactions in total which are not all intercourse, so in reality it’s not that many partners. 7-10 sex partners a month for a prostitute aint much ( I don’t think). Gay men have that many partners during a dry spell. Internet connection must have been down at their house or something to warrant only 10 guys a month! If I worked at a brothel it would be 5 a week or more but most of my job is driving driving driving and hustling, negotiating, making nice, defense defense defense.
I’ve actually spoken in front of and educated farrrr more people in LA and beyond than I’ve EVER had sex with in my lifetime. Just in 3 years I may have interacted with 500 students who are all over 18 now and roaming the world and Facebook trying to say hi to me when I least expect it. (I’m friends with a ton of them and yes, they know).
My face and body are the subject matter of my entire breadth of artwork, which now has spanned 11 years since 2000 when I started doing self identity pieces after college for my first exhibitions. How can I not yet be used to people putting me up and down and making comments about what they believe that they see in me? I feel like Obama must feel right now. I know I am good. I know I am talented. If I weren’t, I would not have gotten this far, but damn the amount of people’s criticism is hard to stay on top of. Plus, I have JUST survived a majorly verbal, emotional and finanncially abusive relationship with a crazy person. My self esteem is slowly coming back after being shook up and taken for a ride.
Do I look familiar because of my art? Have you seen any of it around anywhere? Are you one of the 1,874 viewers that has seen my youtube channel? Maybe you have and my confidence won’t believe that my art is really going anywhere because in my isolated world I don’t feel the pull of anyone’s encouragement from all those views and hits.
What I realized after meeting my blog fan/agency client was that there are a LOT of people that I don’t know reading my words and hearing my voice that don’t comment. I spend many many more hours brewing a blog entry before I publish it nowadays. More careful indeed. There is at least ONE ASSHOLE who has the time to read 7 entries and leave 200 word verbal abuse tirade because his partner is passed out cuz he already abused the shit out of her (or him?) and now he’s fucked up pouring over the internet and hasn’t had enough feeling like a pseudo dominant shithead.