Posts Tagged ‘#goddess

27
Mar
18

How to lure the goddess into the light when she is the light

Japanese-Sun-goddess-Amaterasu

Wild Wild Country came out on Netflix, and I’ve been reading the trains of Tokyo with Osho’s book Love, Freedom and Aloneness instead of use my smart phone during the sometimes gruelling commutes between clients.  My kettai’s been acting up and not holding a charge so the switch to paper back seemed like the wisest move to save my SUMAHO time to only the most essential of uses.  I spend at least ten hours on the trains of Tokyo going from school to client to home between the hours of 7:30am in the crushing rush hour of Japan where even getting out your phone to read is impossible.  For fifteen minutes while you are smashed against twenty other Tokyo-ites all you can do is sometimes look at the ceiling of the train car, you can breathe in and out, but most times you can’t even do that as the weight of the person in front and back of you is preventing proper respiration.  If you are short like me, sometimes your view of the ceiling is obstructed and you are just looking straight into someone’s piece of clothing, examining it close up for 15 or so minutes. Finally Shibuya station and about 50 people pour out of the doors of the train car that I have become one with.   Rapid pouring out onto the platform and into two or four orderly lines: two up the escalator and two more thicker but less organized lines up the stair cases. I don’t HATE anything usually, but I definitely definitely HATE Tokyo train rush hour. In WWCountry, I’m learning things about America that I didn’t know before.  I had no idea of this part of Oregon’s history. I hadn’t even heard of Osho before I started to explore Tantra five years ago. Dr. Seuss said,”Why fit in, when you’re born to stand out?” and I have always always been a unique person since my childhood born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Seuss motto supports weirdos like me, American culture values individualism to a degree, but not as much as most people might think, as I never really felt like I was “normal” or “average” as an American either.  In the Osho Ashram in Oregon, all the members (Rajneeshees) wore variations of orange and pink. It looks a lot like what you are given to wear when you enter a Korean spa, something like medical scrubs, unisex, comfortable and not sexy.  I watch this with fascination as I know already that if any religion or spiritual center told me that I had to wear a certain outfit, I’d be out the door after that meeting never to return. It is very interesting being a Tantrika in Japan watching this documentary and trying to read the Japanese subtitles as a form of studying.  To my pleasant surprise, I am actually keeping up at the speed of the subtitles and learning how to say phrases that I need in my life in Japan to describe my spiritual experience. The Japanese motto regarding standing out is in a proverb that everyone knows too well “ 出る杭は打たれる (deru kui wa utareru: the nail that sticks out gets pounded down).  I have felt sooo pounded down in the last six months working and hustling in cold and busy Tokyo. I have been cursed to repeat my high school feelings of not or never being able to fit in or not or never being able to be appreciated for who I am, and feeling attractive and full of self love but somehow not being attractive to anyone around me, or anyone that I would regard as worth my time.  The entire existence of Japan was born from the sun goddess Amaterasu, the first Emperor considered a grandson of the descendant of this goddess. Legend has it that Amaterasu hid in a cave, disgusted with her partner’s bickering, thus causing a constant darkness to fall over the earth. The other gods had to lure her out with a mirror. Apologists for Japanese society swear to me that the goddess is still living in Japan but I find the presence of the divine light in the eyes of the people that walk the crowded streets next to me, that push their existence against me without acknowledgement of each other’s humanity nor of their divinity leads me to constantly depress into a cave…but recently with the bloom of pink cherry blossoms all over the, tunnels of feminine beauty adorn the trees and skies above me and I am, for now, revived and charged with ecosexual energy in Japan.  For once in a long while, I see people exuding happiness everywhere I look, in awe of something bigger than their salaries.  There is a reason that Japan is called “sexless” by the media and that the population is signaling a dire need in a change of the way things have been done since World War Two.  It is time to change again for the sake of the existence of the goddess.  Although many Japanese think that I am merely being critical of Japan without the same realization of the shortcomings of America, the same is going on with the goddess in the U.S and quite possibly all over the world.  The time has come for changes to finally be made everywhere, a country and society that does not realize the power of the sun and the power of the goddess will inevitably perish in darkness.  28618849_10213703895024873_1084500047103387336_o

23
Jun
16

From Whore Revolutionary to Tantra goddess: Sacred Whore Evolution

4 years is a long time. I hope you have changed and evolved in 4 years too. Looking back on this blog I clearly can define chapters of my life. As i blog from Osaka, Japan tonight overlooking the Dottonburi River reflecting the bright lights of the touristy strip from the water, I have now finally realized a life long dream to live and work in Japan. Its been a month since I left LA and the U.S. It was a whirlwind of a birthday for me. Turning 40 was something I wanted to remember as the biggest “round number” ritual to date. I flew from LA to work in Seattle to visit the glacier in Juneau, Alaska to stopover in downtown Vancouver to finally Tokyo, a part of Japan I’d never been. I picked Seattle as a good place to make money for my trip and my intuition served me well. I was able to get solid clients who helped me bring in enough money to get through the next leg of my journey before Id be able to settle into Tokyo and begin my adventure in Japan: a country Id always wanted to return to since I last lived there for a summer with a beloved Aunt when I was 12. My faithful sex work funded vehicle named Sasha Gray (a Gray Scion named after Sasha Gray who played a GFE escort in the film Girlfriend Experience) had racked up 205k miles and had a dead transmission, some engine damage and a bunch of body repairs that I wasnt going to invest in over the vital mechanics needed. I sold her for a mere $1000 and aptly used that money to commit myself to my big move to Japan. I didnt know how I was going to get the rest of the money for my trip or how I was going to pay for the other expenses of living in this new country but buying a ONE WAY TICKET to Alaska and Japan for my birthday was a way to make sure that I would NOT turn back to the safe routine life Id grown accustomed to and not give up on my dream this time around. My biological family were meeting my extended Japanese relatives in Osaka with my 5 nieces and nephews and mom and I was not going to miss that trip because of lack of money. No way. I was simply NOT going to allow myself to fail going to Japan by the age of 40. And that was how I made it here.

The plane ticket was the initial investment that would use the profit from the sale of my car SG as seed money for the next part of my life in Japan. I had tried to manifest this journey in 2013 but I didnt make such a huge commitment like buying a one way ticket with no refunds.

FULL CIRCLE CONNECTION TO THE WHORE REVOLUTIONARY

I met my current Osaka host Yukiko briefly in Washington DC 2012 AND Desiree Alliance 2010 but didnt remember! FB_IMG_1466423299393
Yukiko from SWASH (Sex workers and Sexual Health) Japan and I after my performance at 2012 AIDS conference in Washington DC

Here is us after I did a performance inspired by the Korean sex workers who protested the closure of their brothels by pouring gasoline on their naked bodies. In my whore revolutionary days i could relate to the urgency of decriminalization and often felt that i would RIDE OR DIE or self emolate? for the cause of sex worker liberation. Although the goddess I am now doesnt carry that fury so intensely any longer (its now transmuted in many other creative ways).

EVERYTHING I did in the 16 yrs in this work and movement (im still criminalized and 2 of my sex worker/priestess friends are currently in jail/prison) was paid forward to this moment with yukikos hospitality to the clients and friends I am able to attract in Japan today. And none of it made sense until I got here. Funny how life works isnt it?

 

2016 Yukiko buying me Hello Kitty things in Osaka, staying in her home and being hosted by other SWASH members in Osaka.

TIMELINE OF EVOLUTION

2012 International AIDS conference performance with Scarlot Harlot im Washington DC
MARCH 2013 begin training in hands on Sacred Sexuality/Tantra at Ecstatic Awareness Institute in Oceanside, CA
Begin transition into “the goddess” a moniker for a Tantra pracitioner, a vessel of LOVE and Light, a LOVE worker, a spiritually awakened facilitator of healing and consciousness
OCTOBER 2013 60 hr Tantraquest training as a Tantric Life Coach with Shawn Roop in San Diego, CA

There are a lot of Tantra trainings and mentors that guided me on my goddess path. Im not going to list them all…

The initial inspiration will always be credited to the coaching genius of Destin Gerek who suggested that I try this route of working and being when he acquainted me at a magazine party in LA, hearing that I was at the end of my rope as an escort and sex worker and running out of ways to keep denying that i needed to find a way out of the too often traumatic and ugly  parts of my work life.  He gifted me with life changing coaching and took me as serious as any high paid client of which he has had many. This pro bono coaching gift was instrumental in creating a new path that leads 4 years later to where I stand today. alive, well and doing better than I ever have in my life. Totally fulfilled beyond my wildest imagined dreams.  Some people have “come to Jesus moments” but I had renounced organized religion long ago and was having a “come to goddess” moment which wasnt about simply feminizing a previously masculine God head but it was a spiritual awakening to a whole new consciousness and free form collection of theories, beliefs and practices which I would apply to my client practices and own life. It was truly about coming home to SELF. God/GODDESS was about finding the faith and divine power and truth within and now. Not in any afterlife or big book or church. 3 years of practicing as a professional goddess I no longer identify as an escort or whore revolutonary and my Tantra practice has clients locally in Japan and back in the USA coaching by webcam. My lifestyle, clients, and practice are seemingly opposite of everything you read about on this blog before this post. But I do not renounce my past for the past brings us to our present and makes me have that much more gratitude and reflection.  I could not be HERE if i had not first been there.
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